The Good, The Bad, The Ugly...

The Good - Claire coming over on Monday night with a box of Chocolate Rice Crispy's which she turned into Chocolate Peanut Butter Rice Crispy Treats.

The Bad - I ate a row of them last night...a BIG row.

The Ugly - I had 3 for breakfast this morning. Well, not really breakfast, more like pre-breakfast as I went out to eat after consuming the Chocolate Peanut Butter goodness.

-----

The Good - Claire and I started our running program for the summer on Monday night, making it a full 2 1/2 miles on our first shot.

The Bad - We walked over a mile and a half of the track.

The Ugly - The mile's worth of running and mile and 1/2 worth of walking made me sweat like the fat kid in dodge ball...it could have just been the Chocolate Peanut Butter heaven I ate, but maybe not.

-----

The Good - Owning a Wii rocks!

The Bad - Claire keeps whoop'n my butt in Wii boxing...like, not even close...like Mike Tyson vs. Joey Bagadoughnuts.

The Ugly - Boxing until 930 last night, falling over from exhaustion, but being unable to sleep b/c I was so upset about the beatings I kept taking.

-----

Do you have any Good/Bad/Ugly's today?

What Weekend? I Didn't See No Stink'n Weekend!

Sushi, the Zoo, 2 car repair shops, $100 worth of dry cleaning, 2 movies, 1 book club, 2 softball games, 18 holes of golf, 1 bbq cookout, 90 minutes in church...that was a full weekend.

Claire and I kicked it off by grabbing Sushi on Friday night. It had been over a month since we hit the sushi bar, so we were due...then checked out BJ's with the free trial membership Claire got in the mail...We tried to watch Zach Braff's movie "The Last Kiss", but 30-mins into it we shut it off. It just was not good...and the Wii was calling. I got very tired of getting my butt kicked in a racing game, so I had to call it a night. Losing to your girlfriend over and over is very tiring.

Saturday we dropped off Claire's car at the Honda dealership and headed to the zoo...after an hour of walking around and watching the mating habits of Giraffe's, the dealership called Claire. They wanted $600 to replace the alternator...Pashaw...ain't gonna happen. Put the car back together, we are going somewhere else...picked up her car, dropped it off at another repair shop, and off to my apartment to watch Superman Returns and put together my new desk chair.

I spent the rest of the evening playing softball and watching baseball...while Claire went to a Book Club/Pajama Party...

Sunday morning we met up for church, went golfing with our good friends Mark and Rhonda, grilled steaks for dinner and then proceeded to go through family pictures. By the time we got back to P-Towne it was 11pm and we were wondering what happened to our weekend.

Half Deserted Streets: Testaments - Number Two

I posted a guest blog over at Half Deserted Streets today...Lauren is running a series about break-up's...run over there, check out my story of love and loss, all in 36-hours...

Half Deserted Streets: Testaments - Number Two

The Dealer

El Rancho Jr. High had a problem and that problem was me.

Apparently, they did not like the little distribution business I had started. 7th and 8th graders were not supposed to buy such a product.

"They are so young" it was said.

"How can they be making such adult choices" it was asked.

Then the focus came back squarely on me..."That little delinquent is providing access to the contraband. What are we going to do about it?"

My supplier did not have as high a mark-up as I did, but she was happy. I made sure to tip her from time to time and to make sure she knew she was appreciated. I had a system...my supplier would purchase the goods, I would split it up into individual servings...Each type would be priced accordingly. I could sell the high-end product at twice the price I could see the generic street product for. I would give discounts to my regular buyers and their buying in bulk.

But when the Jr. High Principle called pops, the distribution quickly came to an end. My parents said "boys will be boys" and dismissed my selling as a rite-of-passage.

El Rancho lost their Blow-Pop supplier that day. Candy being sold at a modest mark-up just was not in the cards for the school. They could not have a 12-year old making $30-$45 a week selling suckers...They had gum in them and gum ended up at the underside of desks...they also were not approved snacks for 7th and 8th graders.

Mom had to stop buying them in bulk from Price Club (now called Costco)...well, not completely...she still had 6 kids at home that loved to eat them!

-----

Thanks mom for getting my little business off the ground and being my "supplier".

-----

Remember this???

Wednesday Odds and Ends

Andre the Giant was a villian in WWF wrestling when I was growing up. Hulk Hogan the hero and his arch rival. But in Princess Bride, Andre was the muscles in a "criminal organization", later turning his life around and becoming a force for good. Andre died a few years ago and for some very strange reason, I was sad about it. I never knew him and never really was a "fan", but it made me sad...I think mostly b/c he seemed like such a cool guy. I was reminded about this last night while I was watching Princess Bride on AMC...it was/is so good. Rob Reiner says it is his favorite movie...It is definatly one of mine. It is one of the more quoted movies in my little circle of friends.

"No more rhyming I mean it!"

"Anyone want a Peanut?"

-----

How do I know that Yahoo's spam filter may be a bit too tight?

I sent myself an email...from my personal Yahoo account...to that very same personal Yahoo account...and it got caught in the Spam Filter. Amazing.

-----

On Monday, I got some sweet pictures of my good friend's baby...Last summer, I lived next door to him and his wife...our townhouses were close enough that we could literally just talk back and forth without going outside. If their bedroom slider was open, I could hear when they turned on the shower. So, when he sent the pictures over of Ava, this was my response:

"To think, I was less than 50 feet away when she was made."

And he wrote back:

"Heck, you were closer than that. You probably could have watched if you wanted to."

-----

I miss hanging out with Jeremy.

-----

That reminded me of my very first apartment in college. We had two very, ahem, "active" couples living near us...one above and one beside. The ones above had a squeaky bed and the ones beside us (we shared a balcony) were, well, boisterous.

The best part was the wafting cigarette smoke that would come through the window after they were finished...

I just got shivers...not in a good way.

An Open Letter To You Sitting in Row 5

Dear Sir/Madam:

While I appreciate you taking time to enjoy your family, making time for your friends, sharing a meal of nachos, popcorn, ju-ju bees and coke, I do not appreciate you doing it all-at-once while in the movie theater.

You see, when the movie starts that usually means that people are trying to pay attention and get as much out of the $20 they just shelled out to enjoy 2-hours with their significant other.

So in the interest in sparing everyone else the pain that is sitting in a theater with you, please let me outline a couple of really good guidelines for you to know:

1. If you walk in to a movie theater after the movie starts, please try to be courteous and quiet. Others are watching and trying to enjoy the movie. Your constant yelling at the kids, talking to each other and complaining about the comfort level of the seats is not really conducive to an enjoyable movie going experience.

2. Please do not answer/talk on your cell phone during a movie. Cell Phones are wonderful devices, but a certain level of decorum is expected. I know that what happened last night on Celebrity Circus was important, but most of the people around you paid $10 to watch Robert Downy, Jr. not listen to you tell us how Antonio Sabato, Jr. did on the high-wire act.

3. Please don't think that anyone who politely asks you to keep it down is wanting to fight. If you are being loud, you might even get shooshed...and if you keep thinking that fighting those people makes sense, I am guessing that someone may take you up on your offer.

4. 3-5 year old kids belong at movies, but maybe not ones that are rated PG-13 or R. Sure, Iron Man was not terribly disturbing, but do we really want our 3 year-olds to see bombs and shrapnel more than they already do? Panda Ninja was playing just across the hall. That might be a better choice.

5. Yelling at your kid when he spills the popcorn bowl that is bigger than him is really unnecessary. How could you not see that coming?

Thank you for your consideration. I am a fairly tolerant person and my patience is higher than most, but selfishness is a very rapid, one-way trip to ninja-town.

Sincerely,

Bogart in P-Towne.

Frequent Flyer Miles Rule

Minneapolis, MN
Minetonka, MN
Maple Grove, MN
Saint Paul, MN
Dallas, TX
Newark, NJ
Charleston, SC
Atlanta, GA
Portsmouth, VA

2 Cancelled flights, 3 flight delays, 2 long trips...

I am home. I am alive. I am recouping.

-------

There have been a few questions about what I do...let me explain it this way.

I earn my living by schmoozing and negotiating with mid level bankers across the country. If I am successful in convincing them that my company is good and that my check won't bounce (okay, it really is a wire, but you get the picture), they just might sell me some of their receivables.

-------

I was concerned about going to South Carolina. Not gonna lie, it does not have the best reputation...but Charleston is one of the coolest cities I have ever been. I can't wait to go there again, but probably not during the summer.

-------

I did zero in Atlanta. I arrived Thursday, went to dinner, slept, went to meetings and went back to the airport. Unfortunately, those type of trips do happen more than I like.

-------

On the flight from Charleston to Atlanta, I sat next to a very nice, chatty young lady. I mentioned Claire a number of times during our conversation, but it was not until I told her about moving across the country to chase her down that she suddenly shut up. Yes, it was that abrupt.

-------

No, I am not usually a talker on planes. I usually put on my Bose Headphones and read.

Home

I am so blessed to be able to do what I do for a living...I travel all over the country, staying in beautiful hotels, eating at amazing restaurants, and playing on sweet golf courses.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate the opportunities I have and how much I enjoy what I do. I still can't really figure out how I got into the work I am in, but make no mistake, I am very well aware of how blessed I am to have fallen into it.

But sometimes that travel gets to be too much. Sometimes holding that phone to my ear, talking to Claire in another time zone, gets very old. It is why I chased her across the country, leaving all that I ever knew and everyone I love.

The last 2 weeks I have been traveling, yet again. Another trip, another flight, another meal, another hotel.

Then I hear that Michael Buble song, Home. It might have been a little much. I would like to be home in Virginia, having dinner with her right now.

Flip-Flop

For the record, Flip-Flopping DOES NOT equal changing your position or mind...

Flip-flopping means you change your mind and then change it again...not because you had an epiphany, but because it was convenient for you to do so. It served you in some fashion to keep changing your mind...An example would be you believe something...argue for it...dare I say campaign for it...then you change your mind...maybe it is genuine. Maybe someone showed you the error of your ways. Maybe you saw first hand that your initial beliefs were wrong, so you admit your error and move on...but then you decide to, oh I don't know, run for president...then that thing you now know to be true is no longer politically convenient so you change back. The winds have blown in another direction and you change your mind to appease voters...

That would be flip-flopping...

But if you were against something...let's just say for arguments sake, against a certain Tax Cut...but as you see it working, as you see the benefit, you decide you were wrong. You admit you were wrong. You now see the error in your ways and change. You then campaign on that more correct idea even though it may hurt you in the polls...Sticking to it whether it is politically expedient or not...that is simply growth and evolution of a thinking mind. That is not something to be ashamed of and it certainly IS NOT flip-flopping.

Food and Father's Day

On Friday night last week, we were on Eagle Lake in Maple Grove, MN. My sister's boyfriend made some mean burgers and thought I would mention them to you...I made some killer burgers a couple of month's back (Read about them here), but his was right on par.

In the meat he mixed egg, red/yellow/green diced peppers, red onion, and Gorgonzola cheese. Then he formed the burgers, grilled them to medium, and melted cheese with peppers on top. Served on a toasted/grilled onion bun and they were awesome.

I have challenged him to an Iron Chef cook off...we will see if he has the chutzpah to accept. :-)

------

Father's day was Sunday. It is a funny holiday for me because in my life I really have 3 different men that would easily be celebrated on that day...my father, my step-dad, and my gramps...all have provided things for me to live up to, look for, and pursue. I also make sure to call my buddies that are fathers and let them know that they are doing a great job...This year I was able to add 2 more calls...both Jeremy and Derek got messages to celebrate their first Father's Day.

But this past Sunday my mind was mostly on my Gramps. It is the first Father's day without him around. He past away last September (Please read what I wrote about him here) and his presence is still so missed. His life was a blessing to so many people, but inside the family he was held in even higher regard than the thousands of people that cried the day he passed away...yes, I said thousands.

There are a million stories I could write about him and it still would not cover his life adequately. I have shared some of his more notorious ones here, here, here, and here.

Thanks for all you were gramps...you are missed more than you could ever imagine.

Back Home...For A Day

What a great trip to the Great White North...well, I guess this time of year Minnesota should be called the Great Green North. Holy Carp Batman, that was a very green place.


We spent Friday night at with Kalar (my sister's boyfriend) and his family at their house on on their dock. We even took a sunset cruise on their boat around the lake. It was a great night, kicked off with a wonderful meal and capped with a HUGE FRIGG'N bonfire.


Saturday we toured Mall of America. While there, we checked out the aquarium, mini-lego land and amusement park, all of which were located INSIDE the Mall. It is crazy big and it was a lot of fun. Before I left for the airport, we had a wonderful lunch at Napa Valley Grille. Sure, the waiter spilled a glass of Sparkling Wine AND a glass & 1/2 of white wine all over Kalar's lap...but the food was good, they comped the wine and gave Kalar a $25 gift certificate for his sticky lap. They took good care of us.


After arriving back in VA at 1am Sunday morning, I have about 40-hours before jumping a plane again to South Carolina. I will be there Monday night through Thursday morning...then to Atlanta, Georgia for a 30 hour visit...I think I will be home for a short while after that.


Whew.


---------


A couple of weeks ago I wrote this post, mentioning that I read Whit over at Honea Express. So then late last week, I won a contest at his site. Coincidence? I think so...


Anyway, I am really excited to get all 11 books that will be sent over. Now I don't have to wonder what to read all summer long.


---------

There is some nasty wildfire down in North Carolina that has been burning since last week. That fire did bring me a smile last week though...As I left for the airport at 5am last Tuesday, I got a smell of burning brush. As silly as it is, that aroma reminded me of home.

How sick is that? A brush fire making me nostalgic for SoCal.

Lightning

Something I hope I never lose the fascination with...Lightning. It reminds me of the time I spent in Nebraska as a kid. I love how it looks streaking across the sky. The power is awesome.

In SoCal, lightning storms are very rare. In VA they happen more, but up here in Minnesota, it apparently happens all the time.

So very cool.

Oooh Yea, Dont-cha know....

Flew up to the land of 10,000 lakes yesterday and I am enjoying the beautiful scenery while visiting my one of my little sisters. She moved up here back in January to chase down a boy. Is there a trend in my family?

She has a great apartment right across the street from a lake. Her man lives just on the other side of the water. It is a pretty nice setup. Claire is going to join us on Thursday night and we are going to hang out in the Twin Cities for the weekend. Should be great!

But I do have one HUGE complaint. My little sister owns a flat screen TV. I am a bit miffed since it seems that I am the only one in the world that does not have one. I need a flat screen so I can properly enjoy the Wii. Maybe I can convince Claire to buy me one for her birthday. Yea, that's the ticket.

------

Speaking of birthdays, a big, fat HAPPY BIRTHDAY to Claire's youngest sister Sarah...you know, the one who just got married. She is turning an age today...not gonna share that one. You think I am crazy? No way, she scares me.

------

Seems that there is a lot of consternation regarding the lack of video evidence of me doing the worm. I never knew that people were so interested in that dance move. Sure, I am particularly adept at it, but that is the kind of video that can kill political careers.

------

I felt like I was back in college this morning...waking up at a friend's house, trying to be quiet so as to not wake anyone else up, going through cabinets looking for breakfast, finding fruity pebbles...etc.

Man I love me some Fruity Pebbles. They rock.

May I Be Excused, My Brain Hurts.

Last week I wrote about the things I learned during our trip to New Orleans and I don't want to keep kicking the same/similar subject everyday, but it really is true that you learn new things everyday. For example:

Friday night I learned that Fire Flies really do exist. Not only do they exist, but they are phenomenal little bugs. No, they are not like the mechanical ones at Disneyland, constantly glowing and staying on, but they their little flashy butts are sooooo cool. (I don't ever want to say that line again. EVER.)

Saturday I learned that fritters made from Conch Meat and being sold 5-for-$1 are not only the best deal at a festival, but they are also pretty darn good. I figured out that if you puree fresh Kiwi with a little bit of Mango juice it makes a pretty mean smoothie...Also, Wii Ping-Pong is fun, but Cow racing may be the best game ever.

Sunday I learned that the character Magda from Something About Mary really does exist. Claire and I saw her at the beach yesterday. Holy Carp batman. She had the little dog, the yellow hair, and the crazy leather skin. I have NEVER seen anything like it.

Finally, I also learned that it is 10-15 degrees warmer in VA this month than normal. No wonder my skin melted off yesterday.

---------------

I bought my Wii yesterday. (THANKS MOM + POPS) I am so excited to play Tennis, Ping Pong, Cow Racing, Fishing, etc. Claire and I tried to buy the Wii fit yesterday (I can't wait to ski on it and Claire is super excited about the Yoga possibilities), but they sold out before the store even opened. We showed up at 11am and the line out the door was just silly. We were lucky to get the Wii, but the blue shirt people just laughed at us when we asked about getting the fit.

It will happen, just not this week.

---------------

Finally, despite all of your requests, there is no known video of me doing the worm, the helicopter, or most anything else that may be remotely damaging to my future political career.

The Wedding

Claire and I boarded a plane to New Orleans about 10 days ago to visit her family and help prepare for her youngest sister's wedding. It was a great week that had us going nonstop just about every day. Neither Claire, nor I have quite recovered from the constant running we did, but boy was it worth it.

The rehearsal dinner was great. We went to this new restaurant called Chef Ed's and they had us all set up in the back room. Problem was the back room was hotter than Tommy Lasorda after a Dodger loss, so we all picked up tables, chairs and place settings and went outside. How cool is that? The waitress was shocked, but it worked out well, sitting out on the back porch on a warm Louisiana night. The food was amazing and it was a good time. If you are ever in South Louisiana, make sure to grab a meal there.

That night I was kicked out of Claire's parents home and sent to stay with the groom. Something about a bunch of girls running around the house on Saturday in various states of undress...whatever. Jerks.

Actually it worked out well. Kyle and I get along very well and we had an enjoyable night and morning, hanging with his brothers and father...YEAH BUDDY!

The wedding was beautiful. The church looked great and I don't think it had ever had so many people in it!

The reception turned out EXACTLY as they wanted it with plenty of food and drink...and some weird fascination with line dancing...

Despite my best efforts, the Dance Competition I was challenged to and wrote about back in March never happened. The challenger chickened out the minute he saw my helicopter and worm...he would not even step one foot on the floor. I am therefore the Southwest Louisiana May 31st Dance Champ. I should get a trophy or something.

As I mentioned last week, we got to see the Blue Dog exhibit at the New Orleans Museum of Art. But we also had an amazing time doing things like eating meals at her grandfather's house, opening presents, enjoying her mother's cooking, eating cookies, eating out...are you noticing a theme here? Yes, I really did throw on 5lbs during the time we were down there.

Anyway, here are a few photos of Claire and me...

I can't wait until our next trip. We ALWAYS have so much fun down there. I really enjoy all of her family and they seem to enjoy my weird brand of sarcasm.

Congratulations to Sarah and Kyle...Thank you for letting me be a part of the fun week and wonderful day! I hope God continues to bless you as you embark on this next stage of your journey...and other miscellaneous words of encouragement and love...

---------------

Thanks Pamela for donating your room to me for the week. I hope you know how much I appreciated it!

---------------

And if any of you are still reading at this point, make sure to click on this little story about a bar fight Pamela might have been a party to...she rocks!

Happy Birthday

She pulled a knife on me once...
Was my diving partner when we were the "Thompson Twins"...
Has 2 beautiful babies...
Encouraged my niece to call me "Yo-Yo". It has stuck.
Got very good at the "Name that band" game I made her play.
Is the "loud one" in the family...
Is a great mother...
Actively pursues her faith in a way that makes me a little jealous...
Found a great husband...
Has a soft heart...
Has done an amazing job of working hard to keep the entire family involved in her life...
Put up with my constant tormenting and teasing...
She is joining the ranks of 30-something's today and I want to

WISH MY SISTER A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

Hester Prinn...I hope your birthday is a great one. You are a wonderful woman, mother and wife. I appreciate the trail you have blazed for all the siblings and have set a pretty high standard for being a parent that we all hope to live up too. I love you.

I Learn...

Back from the 9 day trip to South Louisiana. Pictures, a recap, and other assorted fine-ness to come later this week...for know I thought I would share things I learned while down there...

1. I don't know anything about heat...sure, I have been in the desert at 117 degrees and complained, but that really has nothing on 90-and-90 in New Orleans. Wowee.

2. Claire's youngest sister Sarah looked like a princess during her wedding.

3. I am at least 10-strokes better at golf than Claire's dad...I say "at least" because I was playing with clubs that were 1 1/2 inches too short, on a course that I had never played, and in weather my linebacker body was not made for and I still managed a 10-stroke win.

4. I enjoy golfing with Claire's dad and there are not many people I say that about.

5. When sitting around with the guys and nobody has said anything for a min or so, "Yeah, buddy" is an acceptable silence breaker. No, not in response to anything, just a random "yeah, buddy" while staring off into space is okay.

6. Claire's grandfather can cook some mean bbq sausage.

7. The worm should not be attempted by anyone over 30. Sure, it was my signature move on the dance floor back in the 90's, but that ground is not so soft anymore.

8. Southern Hospitality is a real thing.

9. I rock at Wii bowling, but am terrible at Wii boxing.

10. Grooms at Southern Weddings get their own cake. How cool is that? I think, if I get married, I will have a grooms cake made out of homemade Chocolate Chip Cookies (with no nuts!!!).

and finally,

11. There is a lot of pressure when you catch the garter at a wedding...especially when you combine that with the girlfriend pulling the ring out of the cake.

Land of Wieners

Claire and I are in Louisiana for her youngest sister's wedding. We are having a lot of fun down here running around town with her family, eating over at Gran's house and shooting a round of golf with her father. We will be flying back to VA on Monday.

---------

Wednesday night I had a very surreal/strange experience. We went to the New Orleans Museum of Art to see the George Rodrigue exhibit. I know y'all know him through his Blue Dog paintings like this one:

Anyway, after we went through that exhibit (it was really cool), we all sorta started meandering around the museum looking at other exhibits. I had made my way over to the Rococo room and got separated from everyone else. No problem, we were planning on being there until closing and I was sure I would find some of the others. So I kept wandering. Then suddenly IT HAPPENED.

I was in the World of Wieners.

No, not THOSE WIENERS. They were the kind of wieners I won't show cause this is a family blog...but imagine what this dude looks like turned around:

I was had wandered into some exhibit called "Gentlemen Callers". At first I thought it was interesting. Great drawings and paintings. Then I realized that everyone was naked. No problem. I like naked people. I may not be a "naked person", but I am kosher with naked people. People are pretty.

But as it progressed, there were not naked people per se, but rather only naked men...many of whom were disturbingly reminiscent of the "quiet guy next door that keeps to himself"…if you know what I mean.

I had found my way into the land of wieners and could not get out. This exhibit was very large, in many different rooms and, when being distracted by all the dongs, very hard to find the exit.

--------------

After writing that, I realize that I sound like a homophobic 12-year old...I am not. It was just an unexpected 10-mins in Donger-Land.

--------------

Claire and her sister Pamela were very excited to go get lost in there. We had to send in a search party to find them. I think their "getting lost" might have been intentional. Just say'n.

PB & J

Growing up, I lived with my father and his wife for a good majority of the time. During one spring, his wife spent 4 months in Russia studying the language and politics. Besides getting Brinner on a regular basis, it also meant I got a chance to be another "man-of-the-house".

I relished this opportunity to act like an adult, help around the house, and be responsible. One of the things I would do with some regularity was make lunches for everyone to take to school (me and my sisters) or to work (my father).

I knew he had a love for Peanut Butter (which I also share), so I would make him PB&J, with a twist. In my 10-year old eyes, I thought an extra Peanut Butter surprise would be welcomed.

So I would spread out the PB on the bread, nice and thick like he liked it. Then, I would take a heaping table spoon of PB, splunk it right in the middle, then put jelly around it.

He never said anything about it, but did regularly thank me for packing the lunches.

I wonder if he ever noticed the extra dollop of PB in the middle...

------------

Poop and Boogies once wrote about the proper way to make a PB&J...and I am with his dad...PB down, jelly on top, then a clean piece of bread on top of that. It is proper.

-----------

I have eaten PB&J toast most mornings for the past 5 years...something about good bread, peanut butter and Sarabeth's Peach Apricot jam that just goes so well with the morning cup of coffee.

My Cussing Pastor

A couple Sunday's ago while in church Claire and I were listening to the parable about the talents. Maybe you know it...

Anyway, Pastor Hank is talking about the one that buries the talent (it was a unit of measure for money) and then brings it back to his master without trying to grow it. Hank wanted to make a point about why the servant would bury the talent so he said that we did not want to "focus on that", referring to the next verse...

Instead, what Claire heard was, that we did not want to "F**k with that"...she lost it. Tears coming out of her eyes. We were very close to the front. Yes, Hank saw her, and while he did exercise good judgement and not point her out, it clearly threw him off his game.

----------

I don't remember the last time I heard a pastor say not to "F**k" with something...oh wait, yes I do, it was never.

----------

I promise that when I deliver another sermon, so time in the future, I will NEVER use that word...deal?!

Meet Bogart

Hi I'm Bogart...

This is Claire, the reason I moved to VA and I am madly in love with her...

Don't we look great together?

We love to cook. We love to eat.

We love to travel. All over the place. More than we should.

I am convinced that I am getting old before my time.

The biggest influence in my life has been my grandfather.

I love baseball.

I miss California and I am a weather wuss.

There, now we know each other. Thanks for stopping by.

------------

Each colored line is a link to previous posts...I know it is a little bit of cheating, but this post is just a lot like those episodes of TV shows where they reminisce about previous things that happened...just consider this my "Dream Sequence".

Of Technology and Championships

Irritation...that is the only word I have for the way I feel towards my cell phone right now. Since a server breakdown at work I have had nothing but problems...so this morning, I had to "Hard Reset" the phone. That means I now have to spend the next hour setting up my preferences, reconnecting to the email, and generally acting like this year-old phone is being set up for the very first time. Exciting, I know...

--------------

I have been thinking about the Florida Marlins.

The Florida Marlins? Yes, the Florida Marlins...the baseball team. The team that plays in that hot, humid state with great Cuban food and great beaches.

No, they are not my team. Not even #2.

But they are one of only 3 teams to win the World Series multiple times in the last 15 years. The other two? The Red Sox (Yahoo!!!) and the Yankees.

The Marlins do it a bit differently though...basically, they are uncompetitive, unexciting, and frankly bad for 4 seasons, then are able to put it all together for one magical ride, winning the World Series, only to have the team dismantled the following year and the process begin again.

I wonder if it is a good thing to be a fan of that team. I mean, I have been a Padres fan for my entire life...going to the ballpark and getting crazy for the better part of the last 25+ years. I have tasted appearances in the World Series twice and the playoffs 6 times...but my team does not have that trophy.

The Marlins have a couple of them...1997 and 2003. Outside of those two years, they have not been in the playoffs. But they have won the prize...TWICE.

Is it better for me to be teased, year-after-year (well, 6 times actually), only to be denied the prize...or to be really, really sucky, but to feel the joy of winning it all once in a while?

-------------

Anyone who reads this a Florida Fan? What is it like?

-------------

My Padres are depressing me this season...and after two major injuries last night, it is not likely to get any better.

Mad Verbal Skilz

Back in college I gave up cursing...Through a series of events, I was convinced that I could do better than dropping an "F-bomb", shouting "sonuvab****", or yelling about stuff that comes out of a cow's backside...

So instead I have developed my own brand of expletives. Usually verbalized on the golf course or when I burn myself cooking dinner...

There is the ever present Fred Flintstone (stolen and adapted from my buddy Steve) "Ratchet fratchet fritzer fratz"...

The elevating of livestock "SonuvaMotherlessGoat"...

The invoking of religion "She-ite Muslim"...

Further use of the animal kingdom and their potty behavior "Mother Frog, piece of pooh"...

The old standby "doggonit"...

And my personal favorite "Fart knocker".

Go ahead, shout them...let it out with authority...you will see how nicely they roll off the tongue and how much more culturally acceptable they are...well, except the She-ite part, but it does fit nicely sometimes.

---------------

I have been known to sprinkle in a "bastard" or "rat bastard" from time to time.

---------------

My friend Jeremy loves to get me angry...he says it sounds like "Big-Bird Cussing".

---------------

It is interesting, however, how much power we give words. Are any of the above better than actually dropping some old-fashioned four letter words? Not really much difference, but our culture says so, so I must play the game. People at church appreciate it and it is a great conversation starter with others...

---------------

In Virginia Beach, Virginia (where Claire and I hang out), there is actually a No Cussing rule on the boardwalk...You can see signs, just like the one above, all along the waterfront. I love them!

Rats & Guns

The doctor was perplexed. He seemed sane enough. He was too old for a gang member. He was too happy for a crime victim. Something was just not right. This man sitting in the ER, a bullet wound in his finger, smiling and comforting others in the waiting room. Who is this guy?

Then it was cleared up.

He got tired of seeing/hearing the rats. The final straw was sitting by the pool watching a rat run across the phone line strung across the backyard. It was time to take matters into his own hands.

So Gramps got his gun. A little .22 that was always trusty and true. He sat there, waiting for another chance. Then it came.

"There's one" shouted grandma...

Gramps jumped up and took aim...careful aim. Like when he would shoot the prairie dogs or the skunks growing up in Nebraska. But his hands were not quite as steady as they had been 40 years earlier. So he slid his left hand down the barrel just a bit to steady the gun.

Then the rat made a break for it...and gramps, not wanting to miss his opportunity, pulled the trigger.

His finger-tip did not stand much of a chance. The .22 went right through the end, blowing through the nail, and continuing on to drop the rat.

One bullet, two hits...unfortunately, the tip of gramps finger was one of them. He wrapped it up in gauze, got the dead rat out of the pool, and then drove to the hospital, where he ended up inviting a few other patients to church that Sunday. One of them even became a regular attender...so there was some good in the great finger incident of 1988.

-------------

If you have any interest, here are a couple other stories about gramps...

The Skunk Hunting

The Squeeze Box

Getting Married (Grandma even commented!)

Saying Goodbye

The Countdown

72 - Hours my work email has been down this week...ugh

61 - Times I laughed out loud while watching the office last night

32 - Years old as of Wednesday

22 - Phone calls wishing me a happy birthday

21 - Really nice comments left on my birthday post

19 - Birthday related texts

15 - Hours Claire spent flying on Tuesday to attend a 2-hour appointment on the West Coast and then back in time for my birthday.

12 - Homemade, birthday, chocolate chip cookies, no nuts, eaten in the last 10 hours.

7 - Friends at my surprise birthday dinner thrown by Claire

4 - Hours spent hanging out at the beach with Claire for my birthday afternoon

3 - Dozen oysters and wings we ate at the surprise birthday dinner

2 - Trips to the store on Thursday night for ingredients to make gluten free carrot cake for our Wii date on Friday

1 - Happy, happy man...with an upset stomach

--------------

Whew, after writing all that, I think a deserve a chocolate chip cookie, or two.

--------------

Did y'all see this?

It is about Dooce.com, a blogger that is getting 1 million hits a month writing about motherhood and everyday life. I have read her blog a few times and I can tell you that she is very well written.

I know that a lot of people will focus on the $40k per month she brings in due to ad revenue, but I would rather note that she has honed her abilities as a writer. Much like a good book, readers can get sucked in very easily and can't put it down.

While I am not one of dooce's regular readers, there are a couple of blogs that I check more often than I probably should. I would love to see them start generating a million hits a month. Have y'all checked out:

William over at Poop and Boogies

Whit at Honea Express

Scarlett at I'm No Belle

Anne Nahm

Kids Growing Up

Ok, so 32 years ago today, there was a lady kicking it in a Southern California hospital, holding a new baby...


Since that time, the child she held has:


Bungee Jumped, multiple times...fallen in love, thrice...gotten straight A's...failed a class or two...been kicked out of a Denny's...interviewed by the police, twice...lit a forest fire...traveled some of the world...scuba dived...drove 145 mph...gotten 4 speeding tickets...graduated from HS...graduated from college...worked 3 different "careers"...owned 4-8 cars, depending on how they are counted...made the "Hall of Fame" for a body shop that repaired a badly damaged truck...eaten fried, boiled, and baked testicles...cried over girls...got beaten up...been a bully...broken all 10 fingers, some of them twice...got paid to play a sport...preached sermons...lead a HS group and 2 different college groups...said no to drugs...crushed algebra...got pummeled by geometry...spent the night holding the hand of a person in the hospital...been very scared...experienced loss...broken someones heart...developed a personal relationship with God...started grad school...sat on a jury, twice...learned how to be slow to anger...forgot what it was like to be happy...remembered again how great life is...helped start a church...attended the World Series...cried at a movie or 10...moved away from home...moved across the country...chased a girl...sang in public...memorized a poem...took dancing lessons...written a poem...prayed out loud...conducted 3 weddings and a funeral...lost my hero...grew a beard...had surgery at least 3 times...voted in every election since turning 18...impersonated a major league baseball player in public...been a published writer...taken a "ride" in an ambulance twice...performed CPR...taken out sutures...smoked a Cuban cigar...crashed a motorcycle...lost a close friend...lost money in the stock market...bought and sold a house...owned a dog...wrestled cattle...planted and harvested corn...had too much to drink...dunked a basketball...been a teetotaler...ridden in a hot air balloon, small plane, and helicopter...ate food from a street vendor in 6 different countries...made someone else cry...learned how to cook...


And through all that, continues to love his mom. So yeah, I got that going for me.

Merry Christmas...In May.

The First Noel, the Angels did say

Was to certain poor shepherds in fields as they lay

In fields where they lay keeping their sheep

On a cold winter's night that was so deep.

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel Born is the King of Israel!

The song above is what I caught myself whistling in the shower yesterday.


The First Noel.


IT IS MAY!


Yes, I love Christmas...and I may or may not have been called the whistler at past job(s)...but, I think I have yet another problem. I mean, I usually wait until at least August to start whistling Christmas tunes.


-----------


Claire got an email last week from her good friend Vince...she has been in the Navy Reserves with him for a number of years and they served together in Iraq. He was going to be in town this weekend for the Little League Worldwide Challenger Jamboree. Little League launched its Challenger Division to give kids with disabilities the opportunity to play baseball. Both of Vince's kids were able to play and had a great time. They stayed right on the beach, got to explore the area, and have a great weekend together.


It was the first time I had met Vince and he was really a great guy. As Claire and I left after having lunch with him and the kids, Vince stopped us and thanked me for being great to his best-friend Claire. That was was really cool.


----------


If you want a first hand experience with Challenger leagues, check out this post from Missing J.T. Snow. You can find a great example of some of the touching writing she does here...Hey, us baseball fans need to stick together, not to mention, I enjoy her writing.

Olde Fashioned Living

Claire came over last night and baked some fresh bread while I slaved away making homemade sausage (meaning I bought it at Costco) with home grown onions and zucchini (meaning I bought them at Farm Fresh).

She had a cute apron on (meaning she put on one of my t-shirts to protect her nice clothes...of course it was way to big for her), she hand kneaded the bread (meaning she put it in the mixer and turned it on), put it in the newly hand crafted clay pot, the one we bought at the craft fair on Sunday, and baked it fresh.

We slaved all day long (meaning about 45 minutes) for this home cooked meal. It was great!

-----------

Claire really did make the bread from scratch...3 cups of self-rising flour, 3 tablespoons of sugar, 1 can/bottle of room temp beer...mix together, then bake at 450 for 40-45 mins, topping with butter for the last 10 mins or so...not only was it great last night for dinner, but this morning, I spread some jam on top...woooweee.

-----------

We watched the Pursuit of Happyness this weekend. It was the second time I had seen it and I am glad I watched it again. It was much better the second time.

-----------

For the record, 6'5 and 250lbs is entirely too big for a shortstop. Even weekend warrior softball. Men that size were not meant to play that position...and no, Cal Ripken was not that big.

-----------

CONGRATULATIONS to my friends Jeremy/Amity and Katie/Derek...

In the last 5 days, both couples gave birth to beautiful baby girls...I am so VERY thankful that Ava Marie looks more like Amity than Jeremy and that Emily Jean looks like Katie!

Love all 6 of you!

My Buddy Does Not Have The Clap

I have been in Nashville since Tuesday with my good buddy KP and his wife...We shot a round of golf yesterday morning and then did miscellaneous things in the afternoon. This included a visit to the doctor. See, he and his wife are going on a trip to India soon and he needed to get a referral for vaccinations. So KP says the following to me:

KP: Bogart, don't forget to bring the newspaper or the PSP to lunch...right after we eat I need to stop at the doctor's office to my vaccination for India.

In my mind, however, I heard the following:

KP: Bogart, don't forget to bring the newspaper or the PSP to lunch...right after we eat I need to stop at the doctor's office to my vaccination for Chlamydia.

I then asked him whether it was him or his wife that had the explaining to do. His quizzical look told me I had misheard.

My Name is Biblical

I can neither confirm, nor deny existance of an email that someone's mother may, or may not have sent to me with the following video:




-----------

The thing that stands out in this video to me? White people dance funny.

What is that Smell? Pt. 3

It was just for a second. But in that carefully chosen moment, I darted out of the kitchen like a Ninja. Into the living room I went. I was in search of the worlds best finger paint.

Mom had turned away just for a moment and I took advantage. She was not really worried, there is really nothing I could get into. She had just cleaned the house. It did not take long for her to notice that it had been very quiet for a while and that she no longer had me in her sight.

As she began her search, she noticed a faint smell. "Is that dog crap?" she mused aloud. Then she saw it.

"BOGART! NO! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

The cave paintings behind the ottoman were particularly artful. So was the new type of brown gel I was using. It was all over the chair, the walls, the curtains, me...yes, even in my mouth.

------------------------------------------

To this day, I don't think my father knows that she used HIS toothbrush to clean me up.

------------------------------------------

I still think the anger and frustration should have been directed towards the big Irish Setter that had left that present for me. I mean, c'mon, he knew better...and I did not even know how to walk yet. How can I be held responsible?

------------------------------------------

What is that Smell? Pt. 1

What is that Smell Pt. 2

I am a Wuss...and My Favorite Song

I consider myself in decent shape. Can I play a major league baseball game? No, but I can play hardball in an 18 and up league...Can I play 4 quarters of basketball? No, but I can run in a pick-up game. I am not embarrassed when I go to the gym and I can run 2-3 miles, at a good clip, without dying. I don't even jiggle all that much.

So I can't figure out why I am sore today.

On Sunday, I participated in and E-cycling effort in Virginia Beach. Basically I spent 3 hours lifting computers, monitors, TV's, and other assorted electronics out of people's trunks and back seats then putting them in very large boxes on pallets so that they could be recycled.

I would have expected my back to hurt. It does not.
I would have expected my next to have been sun burnt. It is not.
I would have expected to have barking feet. They are silent.

My tri's, bi's and fingers hurt like a mother though. It strangely makes typing and pushing yourself out of a chair difficult.

---------------

What does that mean? Hurting like a mother? Why does "a mother" hurt? And why am I asking you? None of y'all could answer where "colder than a witch's titty" came from.

----------------

Top 50, Part 10

You have been patient as I proclaimed my love for my top 50 songs and kind with most of your words (April, I am looking at you!). Thank you for indulging me and my love of music.

So here is my #1 favorite song...

Windmills - Toad the Wet Sprocket...did any of you guess it? I did give clues on Friday. And forgive the video on the link...I know it is terrible, but it is the only copy of the song I could find that I could easily link to.

That entire album, Dulcinea, is playable. I often throw on the entire thing and work.

------------------

Thanks to YourBeardIsGood for the idea...he was right, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. I am looking at the top 50 now and trying to figure out how some artists like U2, Big Head Todd and AC/DC did not make it. Also trying to figure out how two of the top 3 albums of all-time have no representation. (U2 - Joshua Tree and Pearl Jam - Ten)

I had a blast creating this list. Thanks for indulging me in this little pointless exercise. I hope you found a song or five that was new to you and you now love!

Great Saturday and Top 50, Part 9

Last weekend, Claire

and I

spent the day with our friends Steve and Luanne

on their lovely boat enjoying the water and some frosty drinks.

It was a wonderful day sailing around the river and up to the mouth of the Chesapeake bay. We were very happy to be spending a Saturday like that.

We did have to get back, so we did not make a night of it...I had a softball game...

My wonderful lady came, learned how to keep score, and got eaten alive by bugs...

It was a great day.

------------------------

Top 50, Part 9

As a disclaimer, these songs are my favorite. I don't necessarily consider them the best songs ever, but they are songs that I turn the radio up EVERY TIME they come on. I sing them loud. I know all the words. They make me happy.

10. You Belong to Me - Jason Wade...Loved the movie Shrek...loved the song even more.

9. Walking in Memphis - Marc Cohn...Another baritone for my list...there is a trend! I have walked in Memphis with my feet ten feet off of Beale. Makes the song that much better.

8. Colorful - Rocco DeLuca & The Burden...I really enjoy a number of Rocco's songs. His music is fun.

7. Trouble - Ray LaMontaigne...I spent a lot of time on the Internet trying to figure out who wrote the original of this...then I discovered that it IS an original. This song seems like it has been around for 30 years, but in reality it was first released in September 2004. I think that speaks to the song's classic-ness. (Is that a word?)

6. Decoder Ring - Pufferfish...Got this song from a friend in LA. If you fall, I fall, we fall...the strange voices meld so well together. Just love it.

5. Camera One - Josh Joplin Group...I really wish the rest of his music was as good as this song. It isn't and I am sad. But he hit something with this one song and just about everyone I have introduced to it loves it...so, here you go.

4. See the World - Gomez...Big fan of Gomez. They have 3 different "lead" singers and on any given song, one or all may sing. I love that they have so many different sounds on just one album and they are, for the most part, all good. This just happens to be, in my opinion, the best song they have done.

3. Life is a Highway - Tom Cochrane...I hate the cover that came out last year, this version is so much better. 3 of my sisters have said that every time they hear this song they think of me...I might have played it a bunch since it came out...or I might just come across as happy and adventurous like the lyrics of this song. I am hoping it is the latter...

2. What a Good Boy - Barenaked Ladies...The live version of this song on their Greatest Hits album is so much better than the original and is simply amazing. I would like to know what a "Hairshirt" is...especially if it is "woven from your brown hair"...that does not sound very appealing.

Anyone notice that is two Canadian artists in the top 3? Well, I will have to redeem my Cali roots with #1...

And I will give you #1 on Monday...Here is a hint...Early 90's College Band that had a strange love for Don Quixote and came out of California. I guess the song would be embraced by the Green Party because of their alternate energy plan.

Lazy Exercise and Top 50, Part 8

"Going for a run?"

"Yup."

"Exercise a lot?"

"Yup. I try to stay in shape."

"Cool."

That was the extent of the conversation. Why? Because the elevator doors opened and we walked off. It was all we had time for. He had gotten on the elevator just one floor up.

Dude lives on the second floor. Dude likes to exercise. Dude likes to "stay in shape".

Dude won't take the stairs...ever.

I have bumped into him on his way to work. Taking the elevator.

I have bumped into him on his way to run. Taking the elevator.

I have bumped into him going out with friends. Taking the elevator.

Did I mention he lives on the 2nd floor?

Really dude? Really? Something does not add up here.

------------

The stairs are right next to the elevator. They are not inconvenient. I take them to my place on the 4th floor or even to Claire's on the 6th floor regularly.

He lives on the 2nd.

------------

There seems to be some confusion about yesterday's post. That was not a "Hey, look at how great Bogart is. Don't you wish your boyfriend was hot like me." post.

It was a "I have a problem that borders on obsessive" post. It is a burden, not a gift. I will be the old man walking around the hospital, shuffling his feet, picking up everyone else's trash and murmuring something about slobs not pulling their weight. I think they medicate for that.

------------

Top 50, Part 8

As a disclaimer, these songs are my favorite. I don't necessarily consider them the best songs ever, but they are songs that I turn the radio up EVERY TIME they come on. I sing them loud. I know all the words. They make me happy.

The rest of the songs are the top 15. As I chatted with my buddy Neil yesterday I mentioned to him that any of the Top 15 could be #1 on any given day. For the most part, the rest of the songs are not really that much better than the one another, but are ranked as best I can. If the sun shines all weekend, it will probably be the same Monday as it is today...if it rains or snows, there may be some changes. Anyway, without further ado...here are 15-11...

15. Collide - Howie Day...I know, overplayed. Does not mean that I can't love it.

14. Speech of Angels - Acoustic Junction...Another more obscure song, but it is quality! Since it is so obscure, I can't find a video or even a copy of the song online. The link is to a place you can preview music...but if you want to hear it, then you will need to download on iTunes...

13. She Talks to Angels - Black Crows...Two songs in a row about Angels. Guess the seminary thing did rub off a lot in my music too! All joking aside, as good as this song is, some of the acoustic versions that are floating around are even better.

12. The Riddle - Five for Fighting...I love the commercials that use the Five for Fighting songs. Did you know the band's name comes from a hockey penalty? Did you know that the lead singer for Five for Fighting, John Ondrasik, has visited troops in Afghanistan and Iraq multiple times?

11. You Raise Me Up - Josh Groban...When I first heard him sing on Ally McBeal (one of the best shows ever!), I taped it and played it over and over. I don't know of any guy singing today that has a better voice.

Top 50, Part 1

Top 50, Part 2

Top 50, Part 3

Top 50, Part 4

Top 50, Part 5

Top 50, Part 6

Top 50, Part 7