Tuesday, June 24, 2008

An Open Letter To You Sitting in Row 5

Dear Sir/Madam:

While I appreciate you taking time to enjoy your family, making time for your friends, sharing a meal of nachos, popcorn, ju-ju bees and coke, I do not appreciate you doing it all-at-once while in the movie theater.

You see, when the movie starts that usually means that people are trying to pay attention and get as much out of the $20 they just shelled out to enjoy 2-hours with their significant other.

So in the interest in sparing everyone else the pain that is sitting in a theater with you, please let me outline a couple of really good guidelines for you to know:

1. If you walk in to a movie theater after the movie starts, please try to be courteous and quiet. Others are watching and trying to enjoy the movie. Your constant yelling at the kids, talking to each other and complaining about the comfort level of the seats is not really conducive to an enjoyable movie going experience.

2. Please do not answer/talk on your cell phone during a movie. Cell Phones are wonderful devices, but a certain level of decorum is expected. I know that what happened last night on Celebrity Circus was important, but most of the people around you paid $10 to watch Robert Downy, Jr. not listen to you tell us how Antonio Sabato, Jr. did on the high-wire act.

3. Please don't think that anyone who politely asks you to keep it down is wanting to fight. If you are being loud, you might even get shooshed...and if you keep thinking that fighting those people makes sense, I am guessing that someone may take you up on your offer.

4. 3-5 year old kids belong at movies, but maybe not ones that are rated PG-13 or R. Sure, Iron Man was not terribly disturbing, but do we really want our 3 year-olds to see bombs and shrapnel more than they already do? Panda Ninja was playing just across the hall. That might be a better choice.

5. Yelling at your kid when he spills the popcorn bowl that is bigger than him is really unnecessary. How could you not see that coming?

Thank you for your consideration. I am a fairly tolerant person and my patience is higher than most, but selfishness is a very rapid, one-way trip to ninja-town.

Sincerely,

Bogart in P-Towne.

16 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Is Pand Ninja the same as Kung Fu Panda?

Sure hope so...if not, can you imagine the distress kids will experience having to choose between 2 movies staring a karate kickin' panda?

Hallie :)

Amy said...

I completely share your pain! If I am paying a baby-sitter so I can watch a movie, I sure don't want to see/hear theirs!

for a different kind of girl said...

I wish theaters everywhere would take this and scroll it across their screens, post-previews/pre-movie. I've been to too many movies with this family lately. Seriously, I want to know how they afford to bring the brood and feed them like that while also getting movie tickets. A babysitter would be cheaper!

Also, I have to admit, I think it would be fun to visit ninja town, but I'm not sure I'd want to live there. I hear the schools are iffy.

April said...

I always seem to have the misfortunate luck of sitting by this family too. Or I sit next to the guy who feels the need to narrate the whole movie. Or the lady who say "Oh no! Why is she doing that?" or "Oh don't go in there!" or "Oh I can't believe this!" through the whole thing. If you want to be comfortable and talk as much as you want, wait for the movie to come out on DVD and WATCH IT AT HOME! Sheesh!

Lauren said...

Those people are the worst! Talk about a pet peeve.

The Charming Hedonist said...

A woman brought her infant into Sex and the City. I contacted the usher. Woman and child immediately left the theatre.

I don't like children. I like them even less when they interrupt my good time.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

Ouch, movie theaters are some of the worst places to experience that kind of stupidity. And cell phones are the worst. I think I probably could take someone on in that case.

Stacie said...

*giggle* Panda Ninja.

I have movie etiquette (or lack thereof) pet peeves too.

Schell Family said...

Totally agree with all of this. However....this would probably have been more enjoyable to watch than the disaster of Zohan that we watched on Sat. night. Seriously...don't even think about it! SO bad!

kimmy said...

Some people can really be rude and inconsiderate. I just wrote a blog like this a few days ago! We went to a Red Sox game and had some real "winners" sitting near us! Head on over and read it if you have a chance!

Hope you enjoyed the movie anyway!

Kimmy

Katelin said...

i seriously can't stand people like that in movies. a woman once answered her phone and had like a 5 min conversation sitting behind me. i gave her the evil eye a couple times.

rs27 said...

Panda Ninja.

I need me one of those.

McSwain said...

Yeah. This should be hung on the back of every seat in the movie theatre, for people to read during the insufferable ads prior to the movie.

Becky said...

I've decided that we need movie attendants...not just some pizza faced teenager that tears your ticket and mumbles.."enjoy your show."

(To which I always accidentally say "you too.")

So by movie attendants I'm thinking bouncers...the ones that check "the list" when you walk in to make sure that you are allowed in this particular movie.

This is the guy that can make sure that you are frisked for cell phones and rip out the battery if need be, makes you take the LOUD wrapper off of your candy BEFORE you take your seat, and can also duct tape your childs mouth shut...so you don't have to hear 20
times..."I NEED MORE POPCORN!"

Now I've got me a mess of kids and all, but HELLO if any of them make a peep I quietly escort them OUT of the theater. Not one of these morons who simply walks them up and down and all around the theater...or stands by the door where you can't see them, but can still hear them!!!! UGH!

And I tell you what...if it is not PG...we are more than likely out on a DATE and don't like to see people under 4 feet tall.

Sorry Verne Troyer...I didn't mean you.

And that's all I have to say bout that.

The Maid

PracticallyJoe said...

Thank God for DVRs, Blu-Rays, wall mounted 42 inch flat screens, home theatre surround sound and of course ... electricity! Why spoil a good time by going out?

mom said...

Perhaps you are ready to admit the sense of going to the theatre with the "old people" and avoid crowds like we try to do.-- they give the senior discounts when it is predictably the slowest.(interpretation: quieter in theatre)