Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Trash Man

I am a trash man. No, I do not do it to make a living, but ever since I was a kid, my chore was taking out the trash. I am 31 years old (almost 32....soak that up mom!) and for some reason it is still a compulsion. I even do it when I go over to Claire's place. I will cook dinner, hang out, then take out the trash. I even walk into her bathroom and empty that trash. I think it must be hard wired into me at this point. Just 2 weeks ago, I was visiting a friend and I found myself getting a large trash bag and walking around their house on a search for trash baskets to empty.

Clearly I have a problem.

So I tell you this prelude because I have had a breakthrough in my life. This is epic. It is life altering and eye opening. It has allowed me to know myself better and in turn, love more, live with stronger vibrancy, and all-in-all be a better man.

Here is what I realized: I generate a lot of trash. A LOT. A frigg'n amazing amount of garbage. They should name landfills after me. I should buy stock in Hefty Trash Bags. I should tip the garbage man.

In college, I complained that my roommates were always filling up the trash cans. I got so angry because it seemed like I had to take out the trash 2-3 times a day. I even went out and bought a 40-gallon yard can for our kitchen. I still took that thing out 4 or 5 times a week.

Then, one roommate and I decided that 4 guys living on their own for the first time in a 2-bedroom apartment was no longer for us, so we moved to the beach and got a 2-bedroom for ourselves. I was convinced that HE was the trash maker. I was still seemingly taking out the trash all the time.

I lived with 3 other separate people during college. I complained about the trash they generated. I told them they needed to wise up and save the earth or something. They needed to pitch in and take their own dang trash out. They needed to shape up or ship out.

Today, I live alone. For the very first time ever.

I still take out the trash daily. Sometimes twice a day. I had an epiphany...I am the culprit. I am the trashman.


I should write apology letters to all my former roommates.


Top 50, Part 7

As a disclaimer, these songs are my favorite. I don't necessarily consider them the best songs ever, but they are songs that I turn the radio up EVERY TIME they come on. I sing them loud. I know all the words. They make me happy.

20. Tipsy - J-Kwon...Okay, so I usually am pretty good about lyrics. Usually. The first 6 months I listened to the song, I thought he was in the club "gett'n tense" he and his crew had to fight someone b/c they were "stare'n at his clique". My brother heard me singing this. He laughed. Now they are in the club "gett'n tipsy".

19. Amazing - Josh Kelley...Another head bobber. Great with the top down, sunglasses on, and cute girl in the front seat.

18. Somewhere over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World - Israel Kamakawiwo'ole...yes, it has become a wedding song, but the minute I heard Iz sing I was in love with his bigness. Unfortunately dude died a couple of years ago, but if you want to know what being in Hawaii is like, just give his albums a spin. And if you want to be happy, just listen to this song!

17. Change the World - Eric Clapton & Babyface...From the moment I heard this song I was a fan. It helps that I am a big Clapton fan and have most of his albums. Oh yea, and Phenomenon is one of my favorite movies.

16. Closer - Nine Inch Nails...Yes, this is a raw song, but the beat and Trent Reznor's voice produce raw emotion. I remember being a bouncer and this song getting played. The mood in the entire place would change. Very sexual. Very crude. Very good song.

Top 50, Part 1
Top 50, Part 2
Top 50, Part 3
Top 50, Part 4
Top 50, Part 5
Top 50, Part 6


WILLIAM said...

You take out the trash daily? Just what are you throwing away?

April said...

You take out the trash? Without a wife begging, um, I mean asking? You actually take the trash out of the house because you can see that it is full? Wow. I am dumbfounded. I have done some pretty extensive research in this area and I have concluded that it was biologically impossibe for a man to do that.

Do you offer training courses? And if yes, what are your fees?

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Wish you could have come over yesterday to do our trash! JOhn being hospitalized really screwed up our routine. I ALMOST forgot that it was Tuesday trash day - if that had happened, I would have died. Trash day, for those of us that are true minimalists, is the best day of the week!


Anonymous said...

I can't seem to understand how I am always doing endless loads of laundry when there are only two people in my household. I shudder to think what it will be like should I ever add children to the mix.

Amy said...

I am the trash girl here! he he he

I do it daily too, as I don't like the kitchen to smell! Sometimes I just like to walk out of the house for a few minutes - its kind of theraputic (or I am just wierd!!!)

Laura B. said...

Wow...Bogart...can I swap you out with Shooter? I have to remind him to take out the garbage. Better yet, he won't put a bag back in the can once it's emptied. I'm with William...just WHAT are you throwing away to generate that much trash??

Katelin said...

You officially get amazing points for liking Josh Kelley. I beyond heart him and his fabulous music. Ah. You rock.

for a different kind of girl said...

The irony of me reading this post now is that, as I walked into the kitchen and beelined for the computer, I glanced over at the counter and noticed all the stuff I placed there (um, an hour ago) that I planned to toss out (um, an hour ago).

I'll do it now, just after I hit "publish." Then I'll go crazy on the recycling, which is like my crack.

kpellatiro said...

Who else leaves California to become *more* environmentally conscientious? Anyhoooo - thank you for the Israel and Change the World mentions. Both don't come to mind often enough, but are just great.

Lovin the list. Way fun.

Allie-gator said...

wish more guys were like you!

Oh and Change the World!! Totally one of my Favs!! Good choice!

Bogart in P Towne said...

William - In my defense, I do have a small trashcan.

April - I owe it to my mom making me do it when I was younger.

WWoW - I hate when trash sits around. Grad you made it.

Step - I know the feeling...especially now that I moved into an apartment and sold my house. The worst part is the quarters for the laundry that I could do 2 or 3 times a week.

Amy - Not weird, just focused.

Laura - I have been known to not replace the bag.

Katelin - I knew I could get points for my music...just surprised it is that song.

DKG - In college we stopped recycling b/c we kept getting ants in the cans. I am destroying the earth one soda at a time.

KP - Thanks.

Allie - The hurdle is not real high if taking out the trash gets me that kind of adulation. Do your knees buckle knowing that I dust and use Pledge regularly?

Becky said...

Trash removal was not on my list of "must haves" in a perspective spouse when I was dating. I will encourage my daughters to search for this trait...I mean you can fall in love with anyone, right? Why not a trashman.

Oh, and Israel has taken me to Hawaii...and I fear that may be the only way I make it to the Islands...since I am terrified to fly..and over water? Heck no.

Allie-gator said...

HAHA YES! Its uncontrolable!

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