Tuesday, July 5, 2011

3 Week Olds Should Talk

Dear Carter,

Can you please start using your words.  I don't want to rush this whole growing up thing.  I don't want you to go through too many stages too quickly.  I just want you to tell me why you are a little fussy. 

You have been a really good baby.  Only crying when you need a change of diapers or are hungry.  You are sleeping 4-6 hours at night.  So this discomfort that you seem to be in is not fun...for any of us.

In our family, we use our words.  You can even use Spanish words or German.  Just throw your mom and dad a bone.

We love you!

-Mom and Dad...but mostly dad because mom is so very patient and amazing...okay, not mostly dad, all dad...mom has no idea I wrote this.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Come Here Often?

So we had an incident. 

It has been a bit traumatizing.

I am not sure what to think about it.

Some of the fall out has been me revisiting my life in college, dissecting my relationship with Carter and evaluating the way people see me.

What happened you ask?

My daughter gently nibbled my nipple.

Not like she was trying to feed.  Not like she was thinking about feeding.  It was as if she was looking to comfort herself.

We were in public and I was clothed, but it was uncomfortable.

Okay, maybe I am being dramatic...Okay, there is a lot of drama in the above.

But I feel violated...and it wasn't even a Friday night in Vegas.

Friday, June 24, 2011

From James Dean to Jerry Lewis...my transformation

Poop...Leakage...Wipes...Drool...Booger...Peed ON

No, this is not a return to college, it is the reality of fatherhood. 

It is what we discuss, think about and try to figure out. 

Does this mean we have lost our cool? 

Did we ever really have any cool?


Carter is getting noticeably bigger.  It is crazy.  She is out of newborn clothes/diapers. 

Claire is working in a good rhythm.  It is pretty cool to see.

Her parents have been here for a couple of weeks now and it is really nice to have them here.  Sure, the help is nice, but really, we are just enjoying their company. 


If you told me that I would celebrate getting 5 straight hours of sleep as if it is something that is unusual, I might have punched you in the ear.  But this morning I got 6 hours of sleep.  STRAIGHT.  I feel like dancing a jig.  It makes me want to throw a parade. 

Instead, I am going to take my wife, daughter and C's Parents to the Cracker-Barrel.


Sunday, June 19, 2011

Name Fail

So Carter went on her first official outing...To Church.  It was a very nice way to say Happy Father's Day!

While there, she got a lot of attention.  Pastor said hello...friends checked her out...random people pinched her face...then there was the "Older Lady".

She made eye contact with me as I was holding Carter in the car seat.  She made a bee-line for us.  Checking out Carter, Older Lady smiled and ogled.  She looked at me and Claire and made small talk about how cute Carter was, how happy we all look, etc...then she got to the question:

"So, what is her name?"

"Carter Nicole"

pause...pause...eyes darting around...Older Lady says "Oh...hmmmm...Is that a family name?"

"Nope.  Just something we liked."

pause...pause...eyes darting around...Older Lady says "Huh...well, I guess you will just call her Nicky won't you."

pause...pause...eyes darting around...Claire said "Probably not.  We will probably stick with Carter."

Older Lady walked away.


Apparently Carter is a Name Fail for the "Greatest Generation".


Happy Father's day to all the Father's that had a big influence in my life and how I hope to be a daddy...

You know who you are.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Moving from the book

Dear Lactation Specialists and Peds Nurses,

I know that the new guidelines are to wake your child every 3 hours or less to feed.  I know that the baby is very important.  I know that there are some children that HAVE to eat every 3 hours because there is not enough milk or they are not good feeders or whatever...

But part of your job is to evaluate parents and how they are getting along with the nutrition of the baby.  I am not dumb.  My child is not yet a full 7 days old and is already back to birth weight.  She is clearly feeding well and mom is making enough milk to feed Carter and 2 other children.  Given that, I am respectfully going to tell you to take your "wake up your baby to feed" advice and share it with someone else.  If she goes 4 1/2 hours between feedings, I am not worried.  As a matter of fact, I long for that. 

So thank you for your education.  Thank you for being caring.  But please, if you want to be really good at what you do, know that there is a lot more than just book knowledge and you need to learn to adjust recommendations according to situation. 

Thank you.


Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Choir of Jr. High Wind Instruments

Being a dad is different than I thought.  I expected angles with horns as soon as she popped out.  Instant, deep, penetrating love for this little "bundle of joy".  I thought I would feel different. 

Instead, I feel like I have picked up a task.  A good one...one I don't mind doing...but a task nonetheless.  Sorta like that job that was a bit of a stretch, but you you did not mind the hard work and long hours. 

I am up all night long, trying to decide if I should rock her, dance with her, sing to her or just let her be.  I change diapers and prep for feeding.  I jump at every whimper and smile at every coo.  I put her in the backseat very carefully and drive much more slowly.  I have already eaten a few cold dinners, passed on a beloved cigar and cooked with a good bottle of wine instead of drinking it.  I wipe the "front butt" even though I am uncomfortable doing so.  I hold her until my arm feels like it will fall off then I move to the next one for just as long.  I manage to do all this with a smile and looking forward to what comes next.

Wait...that is Love...that is a deep, penetrating love.  It may not have involved a choir of angels, but that crying and whaling is pretty melodic, sora like a bunch of 7th graders playing in their first concert...and Claire has never been so beautiful. 

Yea, I could get used to this whole Dad thing.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

How will Google handle this post?

Many men lose their dignity after getting married when they have to make a run to the grocery store and shop for tampons.  There are so many choices...different sizes...different applicators...different absorbency's.  You can guess and get sent back.  You can just buy them all and hope she finds a use for the ones she does not like.  You can ask and lose your dignity.  I am guessing that most guys, at some point, do all three.

Later, if they were smart and looked at what their wife uses prior to going to the store, then they go later into the marriage with their dignity intact.  But then the wife becomes pregnant and that is the next major dignity stealing time...the Hemorrhoid cream.  Apparently, it is a real thing that many women get Hemorrhoids while "with child" (thankfully this was not Claire!).  Try explaining that to the guy behind the counter..."No really, it is for my wife."  I guess you could always go the route that Conan O'Brien uses...that the cream is for the dark circles under his eyes.

If the husband makes it through those two events, the Coup de Gras comes...Nipple Cream.  See, breast feeding leads to sore, painful and sometimes bloody nipples (bring that up as a topic of conversation at your next dinner party).  They sell different things to help and there are many different home remedies...but if it is bad enough or your doctor is smart enough, they will just prescribe some prescription strength nipple cream.  And you can't just take that to any pharmacy...it takes a special Apothecary's type of pharmacy.  So here is what happens...you walk into your normal pharmacy...they tell you no, we cannot make up this Nipple Cream, try somewhere else.  You try the CVS across the street...Nope, not there either.  So, now you call around...nothing like lots of conversations with people over the phone asking about nipple cream.  Finally you find a place that will whip some up for you.  You go to pick it up, only to realize it is Fifty Bucks...yes FIFTY DOLLARS.   You swallow hard, whip out the credit card and buy Nipple cream. 

Well, I guess it could be worse...you could have to walk the Bichon Frise down the street.