Monday, March 10, 2008

Trip to South Louisiana

Death seemed certain...either for Sally or for me. One way or the other, someone was going to die and it would not be pretty.

As the makeshift bat hurdled through the air, I stopped to contemplate all the firsts that had happened in the previous 24-hours:

1. I cooked/boiled 250lbs of Crawfish.

2. I talked to someone with no teeth. It was wonderful. Claire's cousin Jim and I were getting wood for the bonfires and we went to this little house on the side of the road, picked up some wood, and then were handed the bill. The gal who handed us the bill was jabbering away in a very thick drawl about wood and oil prices (they have some oil rights and the "checks keep getting bigger") and the weather when she very matter of factly said "Oops, I forgot to put my teeth in". I just about lost it. It was already taking concentration to really understand everything she was saying, but it was made so much more difficult because now she had her hand covering her mouth and it took all the will power I could muster not to laugh. Seriously fantastic.

3. I feel like I ate 250lbs of Crawfish.

4. I made Pina Coladas by the gallon (3 gallons at a time to be exact) rather than by the glass or the pitcher.

5. I entered a dance contest (scheduled for Memorial Day) against 7 other guys. That poor decision might have been the result of the gallons of pina colada I consumed...yes, not just made, but consumed. Now I have to go work on finding moves that compliment the Helicopter, the Worm, the Sprinkler, and the Big Rig...

6. I rolled a full size 4-wheeler on top of myself...on flat ground...I still hold my head high because it rolled when I leaned too much and it came in on me rather than not leaning enough and tossing me off. That would have been a rookie mistake.

7. I lost a Crawfish peeling contest (in 60 seconds I took off 31 tails)...although my bowl fell over during the match, spilling the tails...I demand a recount.

8. I used a wooden paddle to hit an aluminum can into a creek...followed by another...then a potato (which did not make it into the water, but rather exploded into tiny little hash brown nuggets), which brings me back:

To where I began...See, there is a reason major league batters use pine tar on their baseball bats. It is sticky and usually keeps the bats in their hand. I, however, did not have the luxury of having pine tar, so the wooden paddle that had become a makeshift bat was spinning out of control like some sort of heat seeking missile. My mind had wandered to the things listed above, ensuring that no cries of "FOUR" or "HEADS UP!!!" or even "LOOK OUT!!!" could be yelled...but then, by force of nature, the paddle caught just a bit of up draft and sailed just an inch above Sally's head, avoiding certain death.

Sure, everyone sitting around the fire jumped and screamed, but Sally was alive and all was well.


You may be wondering why I would have died...I did say that it was either going to be her or I that ended up with a toe tag...well, if that paddle had hit her in the head and she had not been instantly killed, she would have come after me. There is no doubt in my mind she could/would have taken me out.


I will say that you have not been to a party until you have been to a crawfish boil. I need to export that tradition to P-Towne.


I really love traveling with Claire. We can spend the day walking around cities, eating street food, ducking in and out of art shops, and generally finding little nooks and crannies of the cities. Sure, big museums, historic sights, and other tourist draws are fun, but it seems that our favorite times involve places we find because of the adventure we seek...I really like that.

So even though she and I were both pretty spent from our 3 days at the conference, we spent a couple of hours walking around New Orleans Friday and had a blast.


As much as I love the extra daylight in the evening, that first Monday after the spring time change is brutal! I am generally a morning person, but I had a tough time getting going today.

I think TSA plays tricks on passengers...a bottle of lotion opened in my bag on the flight home yesterday...not exploded, not cracked or broke, or even a simple was opened. The screw top was loosened and it poured out. I could understand it leaking from the cap or exploding, but the screw top coming undone seems weird.


Scarlett Wanna Be said...

You should try Big Daddy's favorite dance move, it is called the pelvis and it is easy. You just stand in one spot, whatever you do DON'T BEND YOUR KNEES OR PICK UP YOUR FEET. You must always stay in one spot...or at least that is what I am assuming because that is what he does. While you are standing still working on not moving your knees or arms, you begin to pump your pelvis. Remember, the rest of you has to be perfectly still, but your pelvis can move to the beat of the music. It is a winner every time. Feel free to pump away.

Oh and I need to defend my man's honor. He started working at a golf course when he was 12. When he wasn't working he was playing. He was home-schooled and got finished at 11:00 everyday. He continued playing and working until he was 18 and joined the navy. There, he played whenever he got the chance. When he went to college, he worked at a golf course again. He developed a 4 handicap and he had the pro's helping him out with any problems. What I am saying man knows how to drive a wood...350+ yards...when he is in practice...probably couldn't do it now...but at one time, he could. However, I am sure he couldn't peel 31 crawlfish in a minute.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

What about the shopping cart? Walk and shop. Take something off the shelf, look it over, and then place it back on the shelf. All the time your hands or hand should be held in place as if you are pushing a cart.

Or the weed whacker? Just stand in place and start er up!

Or the Muppet? Arms side to side but dont bend your elbow cuz Muppets aint got no elbows!!

John is particularly good at the Muppet!


WILLIAM said...

Dance Danny Terio?

The Charming Hedonist said...

Of course the TSA plays tricks on passengers! That's half the fun!

for a different kind of girl said...

You need to get a dance crew together, go rent every street dance/cheerleader movie there is, lock yourself in your house and cease communicating with anyone outside your dance crew, and start working something up. Immediately!

Bogart in P Towne said...

Scarlett - I like the pelvis, but I do have rhythm and can move my far as the golf goes, I give. That is a good story and I will officially walk away from the gauntlet.

WWofW - I know the shopping cart and the weed whacker sounds like the lawn mower...the muppet is interesting. Will have to see if I can perfect, where is that mirror?

William - I have been known to have dance fever.

CH - I thought so. Now everything smells like Vanilla Bean...I just keep my nose in the suitcase.

DKG - I don't need a team...I win dance contests on my own!