Mish-Mash

I don't get much into politics on this blog, but I consider myself a political junkie. I voted late last week (Early Voting in VA) and am still reading everything I can find on all the hot political issues. I even watched the Obama infomercial last night.

If nothing else, that man can deliver prepared remarks like few ever could.

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My other thought everytime I see Obama speak in public? This must have been what it was like when the Beatles came to the US. I have never seen anything like this. He came to the stadium across the water from me. Claire and I thought me might drop in to check out the event...He was not scheduled to speak until 9:30 and the place was packed 5 hours early. Holy cow.

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Congratulations to the Philidelphia Phillies for winning the World Series. It is always a bitter-sweet time for me...I am happy to have seen it and always love playoff baseball, but that last pitch means that I will not get any more baseball until next Spring...hurumph.

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My proof that the blogging world changes you...As I watched the Phil's win the World Series last night, my very first thought was of this video over at Poop and Boogies. My second thought was wondering how much jumping around was going on at his house...

Parents Visit...In List Form

Top 10 Things About My Parents Visiting:

10. Getting to see some sweet museums.
9. Eating way more food that I should...and loving every minute of it.
8. Getting to postpone the 12 mile run Claire and I were scheduled to run on Saturday.
7. Learning that my couch really is as comfortable as I thought it would be.
6. Finally getting a microwave!
5. Talking politics with pops.
4. Watching Claire and my mom run around like two high school friends.
3. Getting to play board games.
2. Having a kitchen cleaner than the day I moved into the apartment.
1. Knowing that mom and pops really like the area I am in, the woman I am with and the life I am fashioning...even if it is 3000 miles away.

Fish-Monger Revisit

Since my parents are in town for a little while, I thought I could share with you some of my favorite posts...Most of these many of you won't have seen...and those that have, hopefully you will enjoy nonetheless....

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November 8, 2007

Thought I would try something new last night...make my own sushi. I know, adventurous and daring...that's how I roll.

Anyway, so we go to this fish market just before closing (Mistake #1). The fish counter has been put away and the fish monger does not speak English. He directs me to the front...scurry back up front, grab the woman at the check-out stand and ask for Tuna and Salmon, cause I am intent on making my own sushi (Mistake #2)...The store is out of salmon, but the Tuna steak looks great. Then I realize it is frozen...hmmm, what to do. Eh, close enough, I will take the Tuna. (Mistake #3) Do you have any Snapper? Lot's of discussion, 2 different fillets, and finally she pulls out something that sorta looks like Snapper (Potential Mistake!!!).

She starts to weigh it, the Monger starts pointing at the fillet and shaking his head...they got into yet another deep discussion about the fish. I really have no clue what they said, but they kept pointing to the middle of the fish and arguing. After the back-and-forth, the monger storms off, mumbling something under his breath, and shaking his head. The lady from the front counter smiles at us and began to weigh the fish, wrapping it for us to take.

This is when I realized that I had a choice to make. Take the fish, despite the look of pity and disgust I just got from Mr. Fish Monger and just chance it...or politely say no thank you and go get something else.

I waived her off and said no thank you, I do not want your rotting fish.

Now a dilemma. The front register lady says "No charge. You can have this fillet for free."

Not that long ago, I would have smiled, taken the free fish, skipped all the way home thinking I had won the lottery and eaten it like a ravenous beast. I mean, an entire Snapper Steak, FOR FREE. Bonus. Score. God must be smiling on me.

However, I realized at that moment, that I am officially old and wise. I was able to discern what seemingly was a gift from God vs. the poison of the devil. It was an evil offer, clearly designed by Satan himself to suck the life out of me.

Heck no, I am not going to take old fish that the monger does not want to sell...even if it is free. Who knows what kind of trichinosis type of disease I would end up with. Can you imagine the mess?

I told her no thank you, she insisted, we ran away.

The moral of this story...making sushi at home is great, but when a very polite register lady offers you rotting old snapper, you run. I don't care if it is free. Run. This is like strapping a jet engine to your car...9 kinds of crazy and only death can result. Just trust me on this one.

Needing Two Aspirin

Since my parents are in town for a little while, I thought I could share with you some of my favorite posts...Most of these many of you won't have seen...and those that have, hopefully you will enjoy nonetheless....

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November 21, 2007

This morning I was reminded of a conversation I had not to long ago with a very good friend of mine...it went something like this:

Bogart: Dude, what's up? You seem distracted.

Unnamed Friend: My wife is not talking to me...she has not spoken to me in a couple of days.

Bogart: What did you do?

Unnamed Friend: I cheated on her.

Bogart: YOU DID WHAT???

Unnamed Friend: No, not like that...in her dream. She had a dream that I cheated on her and now she is mad at me.

Bogart: Seriously?

Unnamed Friend: Yes, seriously. She is very mad. I had to buy her flowers and apologize. I still
don't know what I did wrong, but she says that is part of the problem.

Bogart: Dude...

Unnamed Friend: I know.

Bogart: She had a dream...A DREAM...that you cheated on her. You did not actually touch another woman, but she is mad at you for cheating on her...While you both slept in the same bed, not involving you, but rather some fantastical person in her head?

Unnamed Friend: I am really confused.

Bogart: Me too...

Unnamed Friend: My head hurts.

You Want to Stick That in My Mouth?

I was eatting a fig the other day and had a thought...who the junk ever picked up this thing that looks like a squirrel turd and put it in his mouth?


That of course moved to thoughts of other things...


Lobster - basically a big, mean cockroach from underwater. Boy, that sure sounds good...(you can also insert crawfish here.)


Chitlins - "Hey ma, I got an idear...let's take dem der pig intestines, fill them up with shtuf, make it hot and eat it." "What? Uh ha, I know it smells like pooh on a hot summer's day, but I am sure it would taste wonderful!"


Cracklin/Pork Rinds - Deep fried skin and fat...really?



Monk Fish - I imagine that is what satan looks like. Let's eat it.


What other foods make you think "What the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks were they thinking?"

Fall Chill = Smile on my Face

Fall is here and Winter is coming.


That gives me a chance to pull out my Fleece Jacket, much like the one in the picture on the right...it was my grandfather's. He was the same size as I am...tall, broad shoulders, sorta resembling a linebacker that did not hit the gym quite enough.


Everytime I pull it over my head I stop and think of him.


Good memories! Thank you for coming Mr. Fall and Old Man Winter...

Seperated at Birth?

A friend of mine sent this to me the other day...I am not so sure that I agree. What do you think?

Not Cleaning Port-a-Potties (aka Honey Bucket's)

I was reading a post over at Laughing Through My Chardonnay and it reminded me how I got into the business I am in...

When I graduated from college, I played a lot of volleyball...for 3 months, I ate tuna, played volleyball and generally horsed around. I started to run out of money so I decided I better get a jobby-job.

Mutual fund administration paid well, so I did that...then to work for a brokerage...then venture capital...then a call to raise money for some guy buying debt.

Buying Debt? What? Huh?

That was my reaction, probably yours as well.

So I agree to go out to dinner with this guy who buys debt for a living. I was thinking "Cool. I score a free dinner, hear about the most recent multi-level marketing scheme and will have a good story to tell."

Then he told me how much he would pay me. "Sign me up. Wait. Is this legal?"

I signed up, learned about the business and then realized the guy was a crook. Not the business, but the guy. So I left the company and applied for a job with another debt buyer. This one much larger and actually reputable.

I go through the interviews (3 days worth of verbal communication, including some math test that made me question my ability to count to 3, an interview with the COO that made me cry in my car and an HR rep that made me decide that I was completely unhireable and should work as a beggar on the streets...Hey, got any spare change?) and, remarkably get the job offer.

2 months later I am having coffee at Conference Room K with my boss. He says to me, "Do you know why we hired you?"

"My quick wit, good looks and stunning ability to charm the pants off of people?"

"No. It was because your last boss said you were a loser. Someone who should never work again. Someone he would not even hire to mop floors or drain port-a-potties. In short, he said you were the worst person he had ever hired."

"WHAT?!?!"

"Don't worry. We love you and knew that when he gave that type of description that we had found our man."

Don't Go To Church!!!

This Sunday, I am encouraging everyone in our church to not go...In fact, I have convinced Pastor Hank that we should shut down the church all together on October 12. Closed. The membership, attenders and guests are not welcome to come through our doors. We are telling everyone involved with our Sunday mornings "Don't go to church!"

Really. We are.

No worship on Sunday morning. No sermon. No communion. No tithe.

Closed.

Instead, we are telling everyone to "Be the Church".

Stay with me for a moment as I explain why...See, there was a time when Jesus was asked what the two most important commandments were. As if God rank orders things...but Jesus patiently listened and answered by saying (my paraphrase) LOVE God and LOVE people...

So, we decided it would be probably a good idea to do what Christ says...I mean, we do call ourselves his followers and all...and well, love people...not just people in our little enclave, but the people in our community.

Claire is taking a group to the battered women's shelter, we have a group working with kids that are have been caught up in the court system at a very early age, we have a group preparing and distributing winter care packages to the homeless and yet another group doing some clean-up for some homes where the owner is in the hospital.

I encourage each one of you to think about that this weekend...Christian or not, I am pretty sure we can all agree that finding a way to Love on some people is a goal worth working towards!

The Holiday's Begin

The world became a happier place today.

As I was perusing my local Food Lion for shredded cheese, dishwasher detergent, and the most recent issue of Teen People, I was stopped in my tracks by the most tasty thing I have seen since I left the land of fruits and nuts...

This little bit of heaven was just sitting there, calling my name. Yes, it is Coffee-Mate Peppermint Mocha. A small tear just fell as I wrote that.


Have you ever wanted to taste perfection?

Just brew your favorite cup of java...preferably with a french press, but a drip machine will work fine...add in Peppermint Mocha Coffee-Mate (yet another tear) and just feel your taste buds flutter.

It is only available in the fall/winter and that is such a shame. I have known people that buy this stuff by the case full and freeze it, just so they can have it year round. I have not been one of "those" people, but I may graduate to that level of devotion without proper guidance and restraint.

Coffee-Mate made my heart leap today. Just thought I should share.


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GO SOX!

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*This post originally ran October 25, 2007, but it is no less true today...Today, I woke up with the greatness described above*

My Dojo

I run a dojo.

In my spare time.

I am good at it.

We do things like play with sticks (we call them weapons), throw stuff at other ninjas (we call it assassination attempts), and kick stuff (we call it practicing ninja technique).

Since it takes money to run a dojo, we pool our resources together to buy parking lots and fast food joints. I mean, a ninja's got to live.

I have some good ninjas that work for me. Ninja Beth is a level 9 Ninja. She focuses on defense techniques and having large amounts of energy. Ninja Derek is a level 5 Ninja. His specialty is stamina and weapons. Ninja Steve, well, frankly he is a drag on our organization, but he is trying. Picture Beverly Hills Ninja only skinny and less funny.

Me? Well, I am the master of the dojo...I am a level 13 Ninja...although my testing should allow me to get to level 14 this afternoon. My specialties include killing other ninjas and infiltrating terrorist organizations. I am a whiz with the 3-Sectioned whip, poisoned darts and Oak Nunchuku. I have a very well run dojo and my ninjas respect my ability.

I am a Ninja...You will respect me.

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As much as I can't figure out why I use Facebook, some of the app's are great...My "Way of the Ninja" applet rocks...

Fighting Jack

One of Claire's best friends has a son named Jack...and I think Jack is in love with Claire. Why? Check out the following exchange:

Mom: Jack, guess what...Claire is getting married!

Jack: NO.

Mom: Oh Jack, you love Claire and she is very happy. She is marrying Bogart...

Jack: NO!

Mom: C'mon Jack, you like Bogart. He is that really nice, cool, sweet, good-looking, amazing, smooth, handsome, strong, charming, gentle, fantastic man that you had so much fun playing with. (*Their may or may not have been additional words put in for the reader's understanding*)

Jack: NO!!! She can't marry him.

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So, I publicly issue this offer...Hey Jack. If you want to knuckle up, we can meet outside of your house and winner gets Claire...What do you say? Hmmmmmm?

And no, your mom cannot help you...She scares me! :-)