Thursday, August 21, 2008

The Break Up

Claire broke up with me last night...but I did not know about it.

She called her sister Sarah while I was out coaching volleyball.

She said that she was done with me.

Sarah pooped her pants in sadness.*

-----

What brought this on?

I baked cookies. I wanted some chocolate chip cookies, so I baked. I never bake. I generally dislike baking. Way too much measuring. Cooking is great, baking, not so much.

Apparently Claire really liked the cookies. So she was done with me.

-----

Sarah asked why and Claire told her that I was better at sports, cleaning and cooking. She said I was so much funnier than anyone* and that I clearly was the smarter one*.

The one thing she felt that she had over me was that she was a better baker than me.

Apparently my cookies tasted better, to her, than the cookies she has been baking.

She had enough of me.

-----

We did make up and she took me back.

Sarah changed her pants*.





*All starred items may or may not be a figment of my imagination, so it is safe to consider them completely made up.

22 comments:

Schell Family said...

Have you been hitting the sauce early this morning because....what? you are so weird!

Thomas said...

Sorry to hear about the breakup. I don't know what to tell you. I have to go outside for a minute to de-stress after hearing about this.

Practically Joe said...

Bogart! Keep out of the fn kitchen!
Did you use nuts? I bet not.
Seriously ... What's next? Your own APRON? Nobody likes it when someone crosses the line. Get back over on your side.
Practically Wisdom 101. You're welcome.

Matt said...

I would totally just let her have cooking and cleaning...

It's not worth it.

rs27 said...

Women always have to better than men at something.

Thats why they are all better at "taking forever to get ready"

I let them have that.

for a different kind of girl said...

If you're better at cleaning, I think if you two could reach some kind of agreement that allows you to do the cleaning and Claire the baking, you'll live happily ever after, because who couldn't love a man who cleans?!

Lauren said...

Oh man. I'm glad you guys worked things out. Good luck, seriously.

Now just stay out of the kitchen. :)

Kimmy said...

You had me nervous for a moment! I make some really kick-a** brownies too! My husband is trying to Atkins before we leave for Italy and I just made a batch for the kiddos. It will be a huge test of his will-power!

Kimmy

Sue said...

You are a riot! Let poor Claire do something better than you! ha!

Regarding your comment on my blog...please reassure Claire that I've lived in San Diego for over 35 years and that is the one and only big bug like that that I've ever seen. So...it's safe to live here.

Check back soon - I'll post some nice pictures I took at the Padre game the other day...of course we lost AGAIN, but for a change I had great seats, and took some decent shots.

Sue said...

By the way, I'm going to add you to my list of favorites...I've been meaning to do that since the post about Sam passing...that one really got to me...I went back and read a bunch of your posts after that...

you have an awesome blog...

Katelin said...

well it's a good thing you guys worked that one out. don't need to have you fighting over cookies over there. and breaking up is never good either. don't let cookies get in the way of a good thing :)

GoteeMan said...

you had me nervous there for a minute...

I really thought Sarah was going to just sit around in those poopy pants...

J/

Nashville? said...

You are a dork. The schell family might be on to something.

And something I thought you might find funny... snapped my driver over my shoulder on the 18th two days ago. So yes, I am right there with you... can't hit my driver (grin).

Stacie said...

c'mon, you can't be showin her up like this. Gotta let her be better at something...maybe her shampoo hourding or somethin'.

Mabunny said...

Next time you want cookies, just go get the kind where you open the dough package and put on cookies sheet. Then Claire won't get jealous. I admit I can't iron.. At least not good anyway. Hubby says to go visit my mother one weekend and get ironing lessons. He is a much better ironer than me.He can have ironing as I hate it anyway;))

WILLIAM said...

Maybe it is time to start...I don't know...putting some buns in the oven?

Coffee Bean said...

Whew! My heart actually jumped a bit and then stopped beating for a sec. Hmmmmm... I'll have to try that little star trick on my blog sometime. I loved the little disclaimer. Watch out, Claire might decide you are also more clever and leave you for real.

AirmanMom said...

Huh?
I have read this post about three times and end with the same "huh"?

HUH?


~AirmanMom returning to her blog...

McSwain said...

Obviously Claire is young and has a few things left to learn. One should never even consider breaking up with a man capable of making good chocolate chip cookies.

Becky said...

Funny. :)

Could you have at least posted a photo of said cookies?

The Maid

The Charming Hedonist said...

Oh my gosh! I'm without power for a few days and everything falls apart!

Seriously, Bogie, I was scared there for a minute. This is why The IAM and I have an agreement -- he doesn't bake and I don't cook. It's better that way!

Debra W said...

Bogart,

You THINK you are soooo funny, don't you, young man? Don't do that to me! I thought, "Oh my gosh, I need to go email Bogart and console him." And then, when I got to the end, I thought, "Now I need to kick Bogart's butt!"

I'm still mad at you, but I'll forgive you if you send me the cookie recipe.

Hugs,
Debbie