Tuesday, December 4, 2007

A Crisis*

Oh no. Really, really bad. I am so worried right now.

Just when I thought things were going so well. I mean, I moved 3000 miles for this girl. Left all that I knew behind. Gave up 365 days of sun, surf and sand. I left my best friends. I said adios to my family. I even had to part with my Beloved Truck. But it has been so worth it...I have been so happy. Having a great time...looking forward to spending the evenings with her. Having a blast doing all sorts of stuff on the weekends...heck, I have even been really enjoying training for this marathon with her...

Yes, she is amazing. I have to say that so far she has proven to be exactly what every guy would want...she is smart, beautiful, can cook, has cool friends, is adventurous, loves to travel, can hold her own in many different social events, looks forward to church, contributes to society, is successful, would love to have kids someday, has a good job, can support herself, her accent is cute, she plays golf...she even has very good taste in clothes (save for that red leather jacket)...

She is, what many would call, the perfect woman...But I have found the flaw and I am concerned that it may be fatal.

The first time it happened, I said it was a fluke. You know, a mistake made early in the morning or late at night...the second time gave me pause, but again, it must have been on accident...today, it happened for the third time...and I don't know that I can chalk it up to a "whoops" or a "my bad" any longer...

What did she do? Please make sure you are sitting down...

My lovey lady...the girl of my dreams...the object of my affection...puts the toilet paper roll in upside down! UPSIDE DOWN...I mean, she rolls that sucker out from underneath the roll...

I don't know what to do...I have fixed it...AGAIN...but I am really worried...what if we continue dating and she tells me that it is important to her to have the roll come out bottom up? I mean, let's just play this out...I no longer can hang out at her place...if we advance in our relationship and get married, we would need separate bathrooms...children would grow up more confused than a group of Dennis Kucinich supporters...Think of the ramifications people. I am talking long term here...

It is a dark day...a dark day I say. I am really hoping she has a good explanation for this...maybe we can retrain her.

*Please note, I am completely and totally smitten by this young woman...any illusions or references, either intended or implied, to ending our relationship are purely fictional and totally baseless...there is not a chance this girl gets away from me over something so trivial...heck, I am trying to convince her to keep me around. She makes me look good and I am definitely dating above my head...I mean, she has two degrees from a solid school, can sing, likes to make me happy, and makes really freaking amazing baked goods. I may be a bit off my rocker, but I ain't crazy. Women like this don't grow on trees.

4 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Many people would agree with you and say that this offense is enough to end the realtionship... I say stick with it - with enought therapy you MIGHT be able to tolerate this behavior...

Hallie

The Charming Hedonist said...

It's a dealbreaker. Plain and simple. Please tell me she doesn't do it with the paper towels too?! Or, is she one of those people who doesn't realize that there IS a specific way the paper rolls go on the roller?

This has me in knots.

Esther said...

It's a crime...

kpellatiro said...

Miss currently P-Towne, are you listening? This may be your last shot at freedom. I am telling you, its pondering and pontificating from here on out!

That being said, yeah, over-the-top is as God intended.