Friday, January 2, 2009

Woe is He

Mortify - Spelled Pronunciation [mawr-tuh-fahy] –verb (used with object) to humiliate or shame, as by injury to one's pride or self-respect.

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David Copperfield's show is pretty good. Some of his tricks are hokey...others are pretty amazing. I still think seeing Mystere or Beatles Love is a better choice, but we enjoyed the show...probably more so because of a poor young lady that may or may not have been sitting near me.

See, Mr. Copperfield has this thing about making sure people are picked at random from the audience...he takes a Frisbee, throws it in the air and whoever catches it is the person who is picked.

So when this guy (that I may or may not have known) caught it, he was very happy to help. He caught the Frisbee, stood on the table and anxiously awaited Mr. Copperfield's questions.

"Pick two numbers" the magician said.
"51 and 23" the strapping, Nordic man, that may or may not be dating my sister said.
"51 is too high" Mr. Copperfield yelled back.
"How about 50" the excited man-child said into the microphone that had been thrust into his face.
"That works. Now, when was the last time you 'got busy'?"

Blank stare. Color, gone. Mouth agape.

The beautiful woman sitting next to him disappeared...no, not literally, but she wanted to. She curled up into a little ball and hid her face. She may or may not have been sitting next to a beautiful woman that may or may not have been her mom.

The magician was relentless..."Dude, when was the last time you had es-ee-ex? And NOT WITH YOUR SELF!"

The dude stood there for what seemed like 5 minutes. Wheels turning. 'How the heck do I get out of this one' was written on his face. I think he may have peed his pants a little.

The people he was with were in hysterics...tears flowing from laughing so hard...maybe not the motherly figure sitting next to the beautiful, but beet red young woman that was probably her daughter, but everyone else was able to cross "laugh until I cry" off of their bucket list.

"C'mon man, there is another show after this...I need an answer. When was the last time you got some?"

This suddenly shrinking man looks down as this girlfriend and she shakes her head up and down in resignation...

A deep breath and a cock of the head for courage..."Sixteen hours ago sir!"

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This really cool guy, who may or may not be dating my sister, had gotten stung. In front of, who I think was the girls parents, 3 1/2 sisters (the engaged brother's woman counts 1/2 until the wedding), brother-in-law and big brother, he had to talk about something very intimate.

"Sixteen Hours Sir"...three nondescript words that will forever link him to this random family that I may or may not know.

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He could have "suddenly" had to go to the bathroom...he could have crowd surfed right out of the theater...he could have just fainted...he did none of those things, though I do think he died a little inside.

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Oh, my story is not over yet...no, David Copperfield did not let it rest...this poor guy got called down to the stage where he was a constant butt of jokes. Mr. Copperfield had pulled out a couple of pillars for his next trick.

"Now, get on your knees like you were 16-hours ago" he said...

"Hug that thing like you were hugging your woman last night" the magician barked...

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At least we know...no, no, scratch that...at least the group of people that he was with knows he is a strong willed man, willing to endure pain for his woman...I saw that group just a little bit during the rest of the trip. They were laughing and having fun. They loved each other like a big family should. Sure, there were the requisite jokes:

"I would like to order SIXTEEN shrimp."
"Did you know that the elevator is SIXTEEN steps from the ice machine?"
"I am so full. I feel like I gained SIXTEEN pounds."

I even saw them flashing gang signs at each other...it looked like they were holding up sixteen fingers.

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That is a family I could be a part of.

13 comments:

MaBunny said...

OMG that is freakin' hilarious!
woe is he for sure, hahahahahaha.

rs27 said...

Does he write it down? He has it down the the hour. Impressive

Sue said...

That was a riot!

WILLIAM said...

I am sure the loveley ladies mom was happy that he did not say..."20 minutes ago in the bathroom."

Schell Family said...

Yikes...at least you come from a cool family that takes it in stride! I think I would have joined the laugh til I cry crew!

for a different kind of girl said...

That is sixteen tons of awesome! So very, very hilarious!

Stacie said...

that is HILARIOUS...ah,ha.

glad you had a great time!

Happy New Year!

Chadwick said...

Dude that is hilarious!! That would have sent my family into a downward spiral that we might not have recovered from.

The Maid said...

At least Copperfield didn't ask whom the last sex was with. That may or may not have been a sticky situation. LOL

Seriously, though...why do entertainers think that to be funny they have to "go there?"

The Maid
(By the way, not being a prude...just wonderin')

Katelin said...

hahaha wow. too funny.

JP said...

I think I would've picked fainting for $500 Alex....

Leigh Ann said...

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! *lmao* NOOOOOOOOOOOO, NO, NOOO! So hilariously, horribly embarrassing. AND AWESOME!

Give that dude 16 high 5's for me.

Debra W said...

What a funny story, Bogart!

Mark and I and our four Angel daughters were staying at The Bellagio in Vegas, when the girls came giggling into the room one afternoon. When I asked them why they were laughing, they asked me if I knew the name of that magician guy who was accused of taking pretty women to his private island so that he could have his way with them. I said, "You mean David Copperfield?", and they said yes. They then proceeded to tell me that he had just greeted them in the hallway while they were on the way back to our room. Apparently, he was performing at The Bellagio at the time and his suite was right next to ours. Let's just say that Mark made sure to accompany our daughters to and from the room from that moment on.