Tuesday, June 14, 2011

How will Google handle this post?

Many men lose their dignity after getting married when they have to make a run to the grocery store and shop for tampons.  There are so many choices...different sizes...different applicators...different absorbency's.  You can guess and get sent back.  You can just buy them all and hope she finds a use for the ones she does not like.  You can ask and lose your dignity.  I am guessing that most guys, at some point, do all three.

Later, if they were smart and looked at what their wife uses prior to going to the store, then they go later into the marriage with their dignity intact.  But then the wife becomes pregnant and that is the next major dignity stealing time...the Hemorrhoid cream.  Apparently, it is a real thing that many women get Hemorrhoids while "with child" (thankfully this was not Claire!).  Try explaining that to the guy behind the counter..."No really, it is for my wife."  I guess you could always go the route that Conan O'Brien uses...that the cream is for the dark circles under his eyes.

If the husband makes it through those two events, the Coup de Gras comes...Nipple Cream.  See, breast feeding leads to sore, painful and sometimes bloody nipples (bring that up as a topic of conversation at your next dinner party).  They sell different things to help and there are many different home remedies...but if it is bad enough or your doctor is smart enough, they will just prescribe some prescription strength nipple cream.  And you can't just take that to any pharmacy...it takes a special Apothecary's type of pharmacy.  So here is what happens...you walk into your normal pharmacy...they tell you no, we cannot make up this Nipple Cream, try somewhere else.  You try the CVS across the street...Nope, not there either.  So, now you call around...nothing like lots of conversations with people over the phone asking about nipple cream.  Finally you find a place that will whip some up for you.  You go to pick it up, only to realize it is Fifty Bucks...yes FIFTY DOLLARS.   You swallow hard, whip out the credit card and buy Nipple cream. 

Well, I guess it could be worse...you could have to walk the Bichon Frise down the street.

6 comments:

KS said...

I am dying laughing right now! At you, not at poor Claire (BTW, it gets better and hurts less....have you tried using a nipple shield?? It helps sooo much!) Ok, maybe that's too personal, sorry :) true story tho...two years later, I realized that my husband was using the ice pack that's supposed to be for soothing your boobs to keep his lunch cool in his lunch bag every day!! But I digress. It really only goes downhill from here ;) really.

WILLIAM said...

Bogart,
There is nothing like parenthood and marriage to totally make you feel like you do not have a clue.

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