Friday, June 12, 2009

Pool Day One

I am gonna die.

You are not gonna die.

I can’t breathe.

You can breathe You are just tired and out of shape.

No, I can’t breathe. I think the pool water-boarded me. I am going to drown.

You are holding onto the side of the pool, standing in 4 feet of water. You are not going to drown.

Michael Phelps is not human.

That is true, but don’t change the subject. You have 14 more laps to do. Now get on it, Chubby.

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I see the hand of God reaching down from Heaven, hearkening me onward.

No you don’t. Stop making stuff up, you have 8 more laps. Get on it.

This sucks. Who chooses to do this? At least with running, I know that I won’t die…being in the pool is bringing death upon me. My lungs are filling with water. It is over for me. I hope Claire knows that I thought of her in my last moments.

You are not going to die. Will you knock it off? Just get those last laps done…there is no shame in doggie paddling the last little bit.

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I don’t think I can ever do this again!

How are you going to do the triathlon if you can’t swim a mile?

I don’t like your logic right now.

Cause you know I’m right. My half of the brain is always right.

Shut up. Emotions need to be coddled right now. I think I might still die. Only a big hoagie and some chocolate chip cookies will make me feel better.

10 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

A really big sandwich makes everything better. But best get OUT of the pool before you eat it lest it get wet.

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Cocotte said...

Swimming is a killer workout. I remember having to do 4 laps in high school to pass "Swimming I" and thought I was gonna die.

The big hoagie cracked me up. No one calls them hoagies around here.

Patience said...

I'm glad you didn't die!!

WILLIAM said...

pssst...Triathlons arre over rated.



Hoagies are not.

Nashville? said...

Hilarious. Been there (not in a pool bettering myself - but talking with the other half of my brain, grin).

for a different kind of girl said...

That other half of the brain can be kind of pushy, can't it? Maybe if you start calling hoagies subs you'll swim faster so you can get out and have one!

The Charming Hedonist said...

I can totally picture your little Bogie-Angel and Bogie-Devil arguing this out. In swim trunks. And no, Michael Phelps is NOT human. But it works.

sari said...

I talk to myself a lot, too.

leighann said...

Michael Phelps eats like 19,000 calories for breakfast.
Try that part of his regiment instead...

JP said...

I have always found that overcoming the inertia of going to exercise is worse than the actual act of working out!