Seperated at Birth?

A friend of mine sent this to me the other day...I am not so sure that I agree. What do you think?

Not Cleaning Port-a-Potties (aka Honey Bucket's)

I was reading a post over at Laughing Through My Chardonnay and it reminded me how I got into the business I am in...

When I graduated from college, I played a lot of volleyball...for 3 months, I ate tuna, played volleyball and generally horsed around. I started to run out of money so I decided I better get a jobby-job.

Mutual fund administration paid well, so I did that...then to work for a brokerage...then venture capital...then a call to raise money for some guy buying debt.

Buying Debt? What? Huh?

That was my reaction, probably yours as well.

So I agree to go out to dinner with this guy who buys debt for a living. I was thinking "Cool. I score a free dinner, hear about the most recent multi-level marketing scheme and will have a good story to tell."

Then he told me how much he would pay me. "Sign me up. Wait. Is this legal?"

I signed up, learned about the business and then realized the guy was a crook. Not the business, but the guy. So I left the company and applied for a job with another debt buyer. This one much larger and actually reputable.

I go through the interviews (3 days worth of verbal communication, including some math test that made me question my ability to count to 3, an interview with the COO that made me cry in my car and an HR rep that made me decide that I was completely unhireable and should work as a beggar on the streets...Hey, got any spare change?) and, remarkably get the job offer.

2 months later I am having coffee at Conference Room K with my boss. He says to me, "Do you know why we hired you?"

"My quick wit, good looks and stunning ability to charm the pants off of people?"

"No. It was because your last boss said you were a loser. Someone who should never work again. Someone he would not even hire to mop floors or drain port-a-potties. In short, he said you were the worst person he had ever hired."

"WHAT?!?!"

"Don't worry. We love you and knew that when he gave that type of description that we had found our man."

Don't Go To Church!!!

This Sunday, I am encouraging everyone in our church to not go...In fact, I have convinced Pastor Hank that we should shut down the church all together on October 12. Closed. The membership, attenders and guests are not welcome to come through our doors. We are telling everyone involved with our Sunday mornings "Don't go to church!"

Really. We are.

No worship on Sunday morning. No sermon. No communion. No tithe.

Closed.

Instead, we are telling everyone to "Be the Church".

Stay with me for a moment as I explain why...See, there was a time when Jesus was asked what the two most important commandments were. As if God rank orders things...but Jesus patiently listened and answered by saying (my paraphrase) LOVE God and LOVE people...

So, we decided it would be probably a good idea to do what Christ says...I mean, we do call ourselves his followers and all...and well, love people...not just people in our little enclave, but the people in our community.

Claire is taking a group to the battered women's shelter, we have a group working with kids that are have been caught up in the court system at a very early age, we have a group preparing and distributing winter care packages to the homeless and yet another group doing some clean-up for some homes where the owner is in the hospital.

I encourage each one of you to think about that this weekend...Christian or not, I am pretty sure we can all agree that finding a way to Love on some people is a goal worth working towards!

The Holiday's Begin

The world became a happier place today.

As I was perusing my local Food Lion for shredded cheese, dishwasher detergent, and the most recent issue of Teen People, I was stopped in my tracks by the most tasty thing I have seen since I left the land of fruits and nuts...

This little bit of heaven was just sitting there, calling my name. Yes, it is Coffee-Mate Peppermint Mocha. A small tear just fell as I wrote that.


Have you ever wanted to taste perfection?

Just brew your favorite cup of java...preferably with a french press, but a drip machine will work fine...add in Peppermint Mocha Coffee-Mate (yet another tear) and just feel your taste buds flutter.

It is only available in the fall/winter and that is such a shame. I have known people that buy this stuff by the case full and freeze it, just so they can have it year round. I have not been one of "those" people, but I may graduate to that level of devotion without proper guidance and restraint.

Coffee-Mate made my heart leap today. Just thought I should share.


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GO SOX!

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*This post originally ran October 25, 2007, but it is no less true today...Today, I woke up with the greatness described above*

My Dojo

I run a dojo.

In my spare time.

I am good at it.

We do things like play with sticks (we call them weapons), throw stuff at other ninjas (we call it assassination attempts), and kick stuff (we call it practicing ninja technique).

Since it takes money to run a dojo, we pool our resources together to buy parking lots and fast food joints. I mean, a ninja's got to live.

I have some good ninjas that work for me. Ninja Beth is a level 9 Ninja. She focuses on defense techniques and having large amounts of energy. Ninja Derek is a level 5 Ninja. His specialty is stamina and weapons. Ninja Steve, well, frankly he is a drag on our organization, but he is trying. Picture Beverly Hills Ninja only skinny and less funny.

Me? Well, I am the master of the dojo...I am a level 13 Ninja...although my testing should allow me to get to level 14 this afternoon. My specialties include killing other ninjas and infiltrating terrorist organizations. I am a whiz with the 3-Sectioned whip, poisoned darts and Oak Nunchuku. I have a very well run dojo and my ninjas respect my ability.

I am a Ninja...You will respect me.

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As much as I can't figure out why I use Facebook, some of the app's are great...My "Way of the Ninja" applet rocks...

Fighting Jack

One of Claire's best friends has a son named Jack...and I think Jack is in love with Claire. Why? Check out the following exchange:

Mom: Jack, guess what...Claire is getting married!

Jack: NO.

Mom: Oh Jack, you love Claire and she is very happy. She is marrying Bogart...

Jack: NO!

Mom: C'mon Jack, you like Bogart. He is that really nice, cool, sweet, good-looking, amazing, smooth, handsome, strong, charming, gentle, fantastic man that you had so much fun playing with. (*Their may or may not have been additional words put in for the reader's understanding*)

Jack: NO!!! She can't marry him.

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So, I publicly issue this offer...Hey Jack. If you want to knuckle up, we can meet outside of your house and winner gets Claire...What do you say? Hmmmmmm?

And no, your mom cannot help you...She scares me! :-)

Big Weekend Review

Claire's weekend got started off early with her big promotion last Friday.

She got a cool date on Friday night (she bought of course...she's my sugar momma!) including a nice boat ride and a Thai dinner.

Saturday we went to the Virginia State Fair. We ate all kinds of fried things including Fried Soda...Coke, Root Beer and Orange Crush...fresh fried pork rinds...is eating deep fried skin gross?...and a corndog.

We even saw one of the most disgustingly beautiful things ever...EVER! Pork Parfait.

We saw wonderful people and, when Claire had the camera, animals. On the way back to P-Towne we saw Burn After Reading (not a good Cohen Bro's movie. Slow moving and not really good.) and ate a little Cajun Chicken pasta at Kincaids. It was nice to have a real meal after a day of feasting on deep fried things.

Sunday = Church, 5-mile run and dinner at a friends.

Oh yea, on Saturday morning, she said yes.

Political Career...Over

I have always thought that being a congressman would be cool. Since I was a kid I have kept the idea of running for public office in the back of my mind.

I enjoy politics and spend a lot of time making sure I am educated on issues. I have well reasoned opinions and regularly take stock of where I am in life, with an eye on a potential future run.

To that end, I have always made sure that I kept no skeletons in the closet, always tried to act honorably and never do anything that would jeopardize that potential goal.

When I was younger I decided that I would never have pictures of me in ANY type of compromising position...sure, I am a goofball and there are plenty of pictures of me goofing around, but compromising? Nah...

When I made that vow to myself, I included the vow that I would never have a picture taken of me drinking alcohol. I don't know why I made that vow, but I did and I have followed it very closely.

Sure, I drink wine and scotch. I have known many a tequila and have a tough time turning down an occasional drink with an umbrella...but no pictures please.

That dream died 2 weeks ago. Dead.

It was murdered by the United Way.

Claire and I volunteered for a fundraiser that the Young Leaders Society was throwing at Virginia Beach. We were put into the beer/wine tent and told to serve patrons 1 drink in exchange for 1 ticket. For an hour I was pouring beers, passing out wine and generally making merry.

Suddenly I realized that the photographer was snapping away as I was drawing the tap...holding beers...sampling wine.

My dreams of no alcohol pictures is dead.

I just hope the American people can forgive me. *Grin*

A Great Day for Claire!

Claire started her job about a year and 1/2 ago...she was promoted in 3 months, then promoted again 6 months later.

This past March, her boss left the company and she started picking up the slack. She worked very hard and clearly produced amazingly good results.

This morning was her review. It went well. Very well.

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Claire's old boss had an office in the executive suite. All the execs at her company are in a separate corner of the building, with glass offices, noise cancelling technology and a little kitchen. When he left, it was the first exec office to open up in years. There was only one available.

Claire has been mentioning that maybe it would make sense for her to move over there since her job is an executive job and she has to spend a lot of time going back and forth from her side of the building into the exec's side for approvals, discussions and getting her job done. The back and forth does take a lot of time during the day and she is not always part of the impromptu discussions that would allow her to have advantages in the marketplace. The execs were having none of it. She already had a nice office with a little view. There was no reason to move her in there. She is not senior enough. She held on to the hope that she might get moved in there sometime.

Two days ago, someone started to move some boxes into the empty exec office. Claire was not going to get it. She did not know who was moving in, but it was clear that the office had been assigned...and it was not her. She was very sad.

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Her review, as I mentioned, went very well...

First, they promoted her from "AVP" to VP...that little "A" getting dropped was a HUGE jump in her company. Making her an official executive at the company.

Second, she can now be my sugar momma...in the way that I have become accustomed.

Third, she got the last office in the executive suite. Her boss moved some boxes in there this week to deek her. I love him. He cracks me up.

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CONGRATULATIONS CLAIRE!!! I am so happy for you! I love you!
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Wanna be my sugar momma?

Changing the World, One Idea at a Time

I really don't know what to say about this headline:

PETA Urges Ben & Jerry's To Use Human Milk
Group Says Move Would Help Humans, Cows

I really am flummoxed...especially after reading the letter (Clink on the link above to see it).

Any thoughts?

Would you buy any of the following flavors?

Colostrum Cream
Berry Boobie
Vanilla with Real Human Milk

Is there a flavor you think Ben and Jerry might consider making with Human Breast Milk?

Traning

Claire and I are running for the Goofy Race and a Half Challenge in January. It is requiring a run on Tuesday's, Wednesday's, Thursday's and Saturday's. Each week our mileage is to go up with Saturday's being the long runs. This training program worked well for Claire and me last fall so we thought we would do it again.


The problem is coming in that our time this fall is a little more "spoken for" and the running during the week is getting difficult. As the mileage grows, the commitment becomes bigger and becomes very difficult to complete before or after work.


Claire had mentioned this to a friend at work and she suggested splitting up the runs during the day. For example, if we have to run 6 miles on a Wednesday, we could do 3 during the day and 3 more in the evening, instead of all 6 at once.


I do understand that most of the training is about "getting in the mileage", but splitting up the runs like this does not seem to make much sense.

What do you think? Is it okay to split up the running during the day into smaller chunks or is it important to get the running in all at once?

A Time to Act

I consider myself good in a crisis. I buckle down, asses the problem and then act decisively. This "grace under pressure" has served me well in business and in everyday life.

While in San Diego, it caused a bit of an embarrassment.

The family was enjoying a day at the pool...mom and dad have a wonderful black bottom pool that we have enjoyed for 17 years...we have had swim parties, rung in the New Years with a "Polar Bear Swim" and even used it for raging games of 3-Flies Up, Marco Polo and Categories...this particular day found a good chunk of the family horsing around and getting some sun.

My sister Esther decided she needed to snap some pictures to document the day. She ran inside, grabbed the camera and proceeded to sit on the side of the pool snapping away.

At one point, her husband and I were swimming in the deep-end, splashing and making merry. Esther says to her husband "Hey Brock, take a picture of Claire and me." She then threw the camera in the air, towards her husband, IN THE POOL!

It was like slow-mo...I yelled "Noooooooooooooooooooo" and watched as the camera fell 2 feet short of Brock, splashing and sinking to the bottom of the pool.

I looked at her, confirmed it was the camera that just hit the water and made a Greg Louganis dive to the bottom of the pool....I grabbed the camera just as it was about to hit the bottom and raced to the top with the camera held above my head. I saw a problem, I assessed the situation and I acted. I just hoped that I acted fast enough to save the camera.

As I gently poked my sister about her terrible throw and her husband's inability to catch, they both started laughing..."Why are you laughing? I just risked my life to save your new camera."

"It is a waterproof, underwater camera."

Whoops...

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Luckily the egg on my face was washed off by the chlorine...see:

Ransom Money

My friend Stacey was recently with her mother on a trip...while there, she encountered a homeless man with the following sign:

"My family was kidnapped by Ninjas. Spare change will go towards the ransom money."

Changing My Life

So while in San Diego, Claire and I had a really good dinner with our great friends Steve and Stacey...after we ate, we waddled over to Cost Plus and meandered around.

During our time there, we found something crazy amazing. It is revolutionary. It is life altering. It is "like butt-ah"...

It is Bacon Chocolate.

Yes, you read that right. Bacon Chocolate. It is Mo's Bacon Bar.

The description says:

Breathe…engage your five senses, close your eyes and inhale deeply. Be in the present moment, notice the color of the chocolate, the glossy shine. Rub your thumb over the chocolate bar to release the aromas of smoked applewood bacon flirting with deep milk chocolate. Snap off just a tiny piece and place it in your mouth, let the lust of salt and sweet coat your tongue.

And I can't wait to eat it again!

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I have written about my love of Bacon before. Please don't doubt the depth of my love.

Foodies?

This weekend Claire and I were discussing our "foodie" mentality...trying to decide whether or not we would really be considered "Foodies"...here are our qualifications:

1. We appreciate good food.
2. We cook with "background flavors".
3. We critique food and how it is cooked, especially at higher end restaurants.
4. We ate Fois Gras in San Diego and it was one of the most amazing things we have ever tasted. We also know that we won't order it at many places because we can't be bothered unless it is going to be amazing.
5. We look down upon cooking with an electric stove (even though that is what I have in my apt).
6. I don't like to cook for people, I like to "create meals" for them.
7. Layering texture and flavor is not a foreign concept in my kitchen.
8. I don't like to buy fruits or veggie's from the regular grocery store.

Here are the reasons we are not sure we can hold that title:

1. We are very happy eating Chick Fil-a, Burger King and Costco...
2. We eat street food every chance we can.
3. I make dinners like Ritz Crackers with Pickles.
4. I may or may not be guilty of putting mayo on french fries.
5. Claire may or may not be guilty of putting mayo on her ramen noodles.
6. We eat mamwhich sloppy joes on cheap wheat bread (dinner on Sunday).
7. We get giddy over pot lucks.
8. We don't mind hospital food.

So what do you think? Are we foodies?

SoCal Pictures

Okay Mom...Alright Janet...here are some shots. You don't need to bug me anymore.

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The trip started off well, some time with my brother and his wonderful wife, having dinner and sharing a cigar...then up to spend a couple of days with the rest of the family. A few days later, I headed back to San Diego to celebrate a great birthday with this beauty...
My goddaughter Emma...or Squirt to me.

A couple of days in SD where Claire joined, then back up to the OC for some family time...
It is not often that we get all 6+spouses together, so we had to snap some Christmas shots.
And, of course, Claire and I had some camera time...cause dat's how we roll...

We got to celebrate the twins 25th birthday with all the kids/spouses, mom/dad, Gma, Uncle Mark/Armando, and Sabra's family (she is my brother's wife and comes from a great family)!

Again, Claire and I might have stolen away some shots, but as you can see, Claire does not shy away from being the center of attention...

Back to SD for some work and some fun...we got to spend the day at the Zoo with some of our best friends Derek and Katie....

We also had a fantastic evening of Mexican food, dessert and bonding with some of our other BFF's Steve and Stacey...did I really just say BFF's? Wow, I guess I am spending way too much time with my HS Volleyball team...

Anyway, that is about it for our trip...we did get an expensive meal in at my favorite restaurant, Pamplemousse Grille, and I am still salivating just thinking about it...

It is good to be back in my own bed...but I can't tell you how much I miss the fam and friends out there.

Home Sweet Home

Home is so nice.

I have been gone for the last 17 days and it is good to be back in my own bed.

What have I been doing? Well, I am glad you asked!

I was in San Diego (WOOOHOOO) for the better part of 2 weeks. I saw friends, more friends and even more friends. I ate Mexican food like it was about to be banned. I visited my old haunts and spent time with a lot of people that I really love.

I got to spend a couple of different stints with my family in SoCal. Sitting by the pool, going to movies, eating way too much and just generally having fun...sorta like college.

Claire was able to join me for the 2nd week of the trip and she loved it down there and, I am happy to report, everyone who spent time with us loved her!

It was a great trip...I am glad to be home...now, I have mail and stuff to catch up on...including a few of my e-friend's blogs...

Will throw up some pics on Friday.

USS Helena

On Sunday, Claire and I got the opportunity to tour a nuclear submarine.

Our very good friend Derek serves on the USS Helena (seen at left) and he took us aboard the boat for a tour. It was soooo very cool. I had never been on a sub before and I am so impressed.

Not only is it a very impressive piece of technology, the fact that full grown men can operate in a space like that for as long as they do...wow.

Sure, I am a bit bigger than the average bloke (no, subs were not maid to accommodate guys who are 6'5), but even for men of smaller stature...let's call them petite...it is a claustrophobic nightmare.

Climbing into and out of the bunks, that may or may not be shared with someone else when you are not in there, is a feat worthy of any gymnast or circus performer. The bathrooms are the size of a small closet and the "work-out" area is as wide as my shoulders.

These guys lay it on the line every time they go out and I would be remiss to not mention how unbelievable it is that these guys do what they do to protect everyone of us.

Thanks Derek...and thanks to the guys that serve. You rock and stuff.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

There are some things that are just too much fun not to share.

Take a moment and check out what my niece has taken to saying over at her blog...

My Niece Votes

Checking in from San Diego

Claire's family were all evacuated late last week with the hurricane boring down on them. All were safe, but scattered...one sister ended up in Florida, one in northern LA, and the rest of the family went to Mississippi...it was a little scary there for a while, especially when they predicted it was going to be a Cat 4 or 5 and hit about 30 miles Southwest of New Orleans...right in Claire's hometown.

But thankfully, the storm broke up and did not cause much damage. So many prayers were answered.

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Spent a little time with my family this past week. Suntans, eating and catching up, what more could you ask for?

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My niece is at a fun stage. She is talking, is very animated and loves to tell stories.


She was playing with her Ernie doll and tossing it up in the air. At one point my sister tossed Ernie a little too high and he got stuck in the window sill. "Oh shoot" she exclaimed as she ran upstairs with the broom to knock it back down.

My niece tells the story this way...

"Mom"
"Ernie"
"Window"
"Oh Shoot"

Very expressive, laughing the entire time. It is hysterical.