Friday, July 24, 2009

To the Bahamas and Beyond

Every day this week I have felt like I am at a Caribbean wedding.

My apartment sits on the Elizabeth River in P-Towne. At the base of my building is a nasty Mexican restaurant. They have hired some guy to come play Calypso Music for 4-6 hours every afternoon.

His repertoire is pretty limited so I have heard steel drum versions of "Can You Feel the Love Tonight", "I'll Be There" and "I Will Always Love You" at least 3 times a day.

I am not sure if I should be sitting on a white sand beach drinking a pina colada or falling in love with my wife all over again.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Horton Drinks a Who

I have only sent one wine back at a restaurant. It was so bad.

No, it had not turned, it was simply bad wine.

Claire and I even confirmed it when we visited the winery and gave the wine a second chance.

Yuk.

A couple of weeks ago, Claire's book club met at our apartment. All the girls get together, bring food and wine and talk about anything other than the book they all agreed to read. Really quite cleaver.

There is always a wee bit of wine left over and occasionally an empty bottle.

That was the case this time.

The next night, we finished the opens and took a closer look at the one left unopened.

It is the same wine we sent back at the restaurant.

Yuk.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

New Orleans

We spent the last week in New Orleans for Maw-Maw's funeral. It was a nice celebration of her life and I was blessed to be there.

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We also got to spend some time just hanging out with the family. Quality.

We ate way to much food. Drank way to much friendship juice. Had way to much fun.

It was nice!

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Saw my first gator and water moccasin in the wild. We went out on Sarah/Kyle's boat Sunday morning, pretending we knew how to fish.

2 hours later we headed over to grandaddy's for lunch, picked up some oysters/catfish/boudin for dinner and had a big cookout that night. We also slipped in some time for the remote control airplanes we had bought over at Walmart back during our New Orleans Wedding.

Those things are so cool and way worth the $30 we dropped on them!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time

File this under, It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time:

I tried to be a good husband and bake my wife an angel food cake for her book club Saturday night.

That worked well. Even got them out of the pans without much issue.

Cutting the Angel food sucks, but I finally got it to work.

There were a lot of crumbs on the counter. I LOVE Angel food cake crumbs. They are tiny morsels of goodness.

What was I to do? They could not be thrown away.

But did I, a 33 year old married man with a college degree brush them into a bowl or onto a plate so that I could eat them the right way?

Nope.

I did what any 33 year old, married MAN, with a college degree would do...I stuck my lips to the counter and started inhaling them into my mouth.

It worked well for a min, but then the inhale got a little excited and shot some into my lungs.

I almost died!

I was choking. Alone.

Claire was going to find me on the kitchen floor, my fat body dead because of angel food cake.

Quick, where is a chair I could thrust myself upon? What am I thinking? I can't do that, it would hurt like heck.

Maybe if I run around, the power of the wind would dislodge it.

Or maybe if I drink, I can force water down my trachea and water down the cake.

Wait...I can breathe again.

Whew, that was a close one.

Now, back to sucking the cake off the counter.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Maw-Maw

Claire's grandmother passed away this morning.

She was 94-years old.

Maw-maw was a striking woman with a very kind heart. To the very end, all she wanted to do was to take care of the people around her and make sure they were comfortable.

I am blessed to have been able to spent some time with her over the past couple of years.

She will be missed.

She turned me into a newt...

A sixth sense, ESP, witchcraft or hidden cameras...I am not sure which, but my wife is using one of these...regularly.

How do I know this?

Because at least 3 times a week, she will call me while I am visiting the restroom. Usually within 30-Seconds of the point of no return. She knows I can't get to the phone. She knows I won't be taking the phone in with me.

It happened last Saturday...It happened last Thursday...It happened last Monday.

It happens so frequently I am really beginning to think that she is a witch.

And you all know what we do with witches, right?

Monday, July 6, 2009

Direct Correlation

I have notice that my comfort in Virginia is directly related to the relationships I have developed.

The first 6 months or so were fine, I had this hot chick to be with and had ample travel back to the left coast.

The next 6-8 months were still fine, but I longed to be back home in SoCal.

The most recent couple months have certainly ticked up...Claire and I are married and have a wonderful relationship; I have a buddy to hang with, grab fish taco's and hit the gym with; Claire and I have found two other couples we enjoy being with, a lot; we are getting involved in the leadership of our church; we have discovered that the military beni's that come with Claire's Navy Reserve commitment are rock'n...etc. etc.

This certainly, and in no way, diminishes my desire to be back home in the bosom of my beloved San Diego, but it certainly makes the time away much more enjoyable!

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Claire and I hit the golf course, the driving range, the beach and a load of car dealerships this weekend. Yes, we are in the market.

I figure if the government wants to give me $4500 for my Nissan...the same Nissan I paid $2500 for 2 years ago...who am I to say no?!

We drove the Ford Flex and Edge, the Toyota FJ and the Honda Element. Not sure what we are going to do yet, but it is fun to test drive and dream.

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If you have not had a chance, head over to Poop and Boogies and check out his post about his first car...classic.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Something Stinks

Can someone please explain this sign for me:


Monday, June 29, 2009

Domesticated Man

Do you remember HomeEc class from Jr. High/High School?

I do...I remember how to clean a pot, cook an egg and sew...
In Norway, I proved my love to Claire through my use of HomeEc skillz...


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In College, I sewed an outfit for my girlfriend. I bought fabric, pulled out the sewing machine and went to work. It was a GREAT Christmas present...
I made shorts and a scrunchy (there was left-over fabric)...
I think there was left over fabric because I, UNINTENTIONALLY, made the crotch of the shorts about as thick as an Andes Mint...
Her dad did not think that UNINTENTIONAL mistake was very funny.

Friday, June 26, 2009

From Norway, with love....

Claire and I had a wonderful trip to Norway...She was there for 2 1/2 weeks for work and I was there for 9 days because I like to be with my wife.

It was an interesting place and one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. You like camping, hiking and/or biking...then you would love Norway.

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Here are some of the things that struck me as interesting...

1. They seem very serious about the whole small car thing...
2. In some parts of town, you can take your time and cross the street leisurely.

Other places, you need to hustle and apparently dress very dapperly...

3. The bathrooms are a treat. The men get to smoke pipes and, from the looks of it, the women get to go shopping...


4. The manhole covers all have a little story to tell....
5. They seem to like this statue that sorta looks like a Chocolate Man...they are all over town.
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And this is quite possibly the most beautiful place I have EVER been... It is called Preikestolen or Pulpit Rock. It is 25 meters x 25 meters and is a sheer cliff about 1/4 above the water. AMAZING.
It was also quite scary...the wind blows and that cliff just drops off. We did what any sane American would have done, we hung off the edge:
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It was a good trip and we had a wonderful time together...I am so blessed to have a wonderful wife and life.















Tuesday, June 23, 2009

The Colbert Haircut

Back from Norway without Claire...she comes home Wednesday night only to leave again on Thursday...

See you this weekend, Hot Chick! :-)

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I will post some pictures and thoughts on Norway by Friday...for now, enjoy Stephen Colbert...

The Colbert ReportMon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Stephen Gets His Hair Cut
http://www.colbertnation.com/
Colbert Report Full EpisodesPolitical HumorStephen Colbert in Iraq



Nice suit Stephen...I need me one of those!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

SoCal and Norway

I had a chance to visit Southern California this past week. Claire left for Norway on Saturday, so I decided to head back “home” for a few days.

It was a nice respite from the day-to-day in VA…Had lunch with a friend at a rock’n taco shop, got to spend the afternoon with my Goddaughter, her sister and her parents, my great friends Steve and Stacey…Had a night of poker with my buddies, which included just my second cigar of 2009, was able to go to the church that I helped found back in 2004 and even got to have breakfast with my Bubble-Headed buddy Derek and his wonderful family…then to the OC for some family time.

That was also glorious…plenty of chocolate chip cookies and an ample amount of avocado for consumption…got to hang with Pops, play games with Gma and spend some quality time with mom. Even got to see all the siblings (save the one in MN).

All-in-all a great trip, but one thing was missing…the beautiful woman I call my wife.

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A week without hearing her voice is way to long. I don’t know what I would do if she were called up to active duty and then deployed again…that would personify suckiness!

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Luckily I am now in Norway with my lovely bride. She is working and I am touring, but I do get every evening with her and we do have some free time together.

I really do live a blessed life!

Monday, June 15, 2009

Music, My Wife Rocks and SCOTUS...

Rebuilding my iTunes folder has become a mess. So many duplicate songs, so many lost albums and so much confusion. There are many benefits to having all of your music on CD and not in digital form. Sure the ability to carry your music anywhere you want at anytime is very nice, but if those bits and bites fail or you are a moron and delete most of your music, the resulting work and frustration is enormous.

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Some of you were asking for a photo of Claire going head first into a puddle…here is as good as we got:

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Just finished Jeffrey Toobin’s book The Nine: Inside the Secret World of the Supreme Court. Claire’s boss had given it to me to read after both his wife and another friend found it boring and were unable to get through the first 100 pages…what a ringing endorsement, eh?

Well, with my love of all things Supreme, I actually enjoyed the book. Sure, it was like when I watch the news, a lot of disagreeing with the sentiment, shaking my head in frustration and even an occasional outburst of yelling, but overall I loved the “Insider’s Picture” the author drew.

If you like the behind the scenes type of books AND have any interest in SCOTUS, then pick it up….just don’t blame me for the political and ideological rants that are throughout the book.

Friday, June 12, 2009

Pool Day One

I am gonna die.

You are not gonna die.

I can’t breathe.

You can breathe You are just tired and out of shape.

No, I can’t breathe. I think the pool water-boarded me. I am going to drown.

You are holding onto the side of the pool, standing in 4 feet of water. You are not going to drown.

Michael Phelps is not human.

That is true, but don’t change the subject. You have 14 more laps to do. Now get on it, Chubby.

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I see the hand of God reaching down from Heaven, hearkening me onward.

No you don’t. Stop making stuff up, you have 8 more laps. Get on it.

This sucks. Who chooses to do this? At least with running, I know that I won’t die…being in the pool is bringing death upon me. My lungs are filling with water. It is over for me. I hope Claire knows that I thought of her in my last moments.

You are not going to die. Will you knock it off? Just get those last laps done…there is no shame in doggie paddling the last little bit.

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I don’t think I can ever do this again!

How are you going to do the triathlon if you can’t swim a mile?

I don’t like your logic right now.

Cause you know I’m right. My half of the brain is always right.

Shut up. Emotions need to be coddled right now. I think I might still die. Only a big hoagie and some chocolate chip cookies will make me feel better.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Loving My Wife...wink, wink, nudge, nudge

Last Thursday, we played our weekly kickball game. Neither Claire nor I really wanted to play…we had the last of our packing to do for our trips and we were not really excited about the still present storms that had made the field muddy and puddle-ly.

The game started just as the drops fell…stronger and stronger the rain fell. Wetter and wetter we became.

The fun was just beginning…

Sure, it was great to win 14-0…yup, a shut-out, but what followed reminded me of one of the reasons I love my wife…not only does she tolerate my persistent silliness, she often is either the instigator of it, or, the main participator in her own silliness.

The puddles had grown quite large…4-5 inches deep in a couple of areas. She whispered to me that at the end of the game, she was going to do a “slip-n-slide” through the biggest puddle.

True to form, she got a 25-yard running start and hit that puddle like she was Pete Rose and it was Ray Fosse.

The explosion of water caused by my beautiful wife going headlong into the mud was glorious. As was the cannonball that followed by another one of our players.

I don’t know about you, but a cannonball into a puddle is not often seen by me unless it is in a Sprite commercial.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

My Baby's Daddy's

So Claire and I were talking about this story the other day...go ahead, click the link and then come back...I'll wait...

Okay, really?

I don't have the words...as a matter of fact, the statement that Claire and I were "talking about" the story is not exactly true...it was her telling me about it and me looking out the window in shock.

I think I dropped a "WHAT THE???"

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And then the evolutionary biologist says it happens in about 1 in 400 fraternal twins?

Really?

And he says it happens because they are looking for someone who is more genetically different...suggesting that if you look like your mate/spouse, then you are more prone to be cheated on.

Or did I miss something?

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Really makes the whole Swinger Scene a whole lot more scary.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Guilty

Thanks for your input on my ticket from DC...while I know that the law allows me to get out of it (prove who the driver was!), I admit I was speeding and will pay the $50. It seems like the right thing to do.

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On Saturday morning I am hopping a flight to SoCal...30 hours in San Diego, 3 1/2 days in Anaheim and a final night back in SD.

Poker night with the guys, a Padres game with my brother and some glorious time with the family...how does it get any better than that?

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24-hours after getting back to VA from CA I board a plane to meet Claire in NORWAY!

I get to spend a day in Oslo, visit Stavanger and if I get lucky, even get to see my good friends Jeff & Dorthe in Copenhagen...I am one blessed man.

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Job searching stinks, so I decided to start my own company. Sorta nervous about that whole self-employment thing. Good thing I married a woman that can hold a steady job!

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Tuesday, May 26, 2009

I Look Good at 50mph

So I got a photo enforcement ticket in the mail today...more specifically, Claire received notification that she was speeding in Washington DC and got caught by camera. Problem is, she was not in DC on that date, but rather in Las Vegas for a conference.

I was driving through DC with my buddy Wes going to a Baltimore Orioles game.

There is no photo of me or Wes, just a picture of the license plate.

I did not know they would triangulate speed with a picture and a laser, resulting in a ticket.

If this is legal (clearly it is since I got a ticket, right?), why don't more states do this? I mean c'mon, you don't even need a cop to catch a speeder? How many state budgets could be fixed by this tool.

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I am irritated by it. Clearly, my brakes are being hit, which leads me to believe that I was slowing down...possibly a change in speed limit?

I got caught speeding. Clearly red handed, but it does not make much sense to me. I rarely, if ever, go over the speed limilt like they are saying I did.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs

This letter was written by Charles Grennel and his comrades, veterans of the Global War On Terror. Grennel is an Army Reservist who spent two years in Iraq and was a principal in putting together the first Iraq elections in January 2005. It was written to Jill Edwards, student at the University of Washington, who did not want to honor Medal of Honor winner USMC Colonel Greg Boyington. Ms. Edwards and other students and faculty do not think those who serve in the U.S. Armed Services are good role models.

To: Jill Edwards, Student, University of Washington

Subject: Sheep, Wolves and Sheepdogs

Miss Edwards,

I read of your student activity regarding the proposed memorial to Colonel Greg Boyington, USMC and a Medal of Honor winner. I suspect you will receive many angry emails from conservative people like me. You may be too young to appreciate fully the sacrifices of generations of servicemen and servicewomen, on whose shoulders you and your fellow students stand. I forgive you for the untutored ways of youth and your naiveté. It may be that you are simply a sheep.

There's no dishonor in being a sheep, as long as you know and accept what you are. William J. Bennett, in a lecture to the United States Naval Academy November 24, 1997 said, "Most of the people in our society are sheep. They are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident. We may well be in the most violent times in history, but violence is still remarkably rare. This is because most citizens are kind, decent people, not capable of hurting each other except by accident or under extreme provocation. They are sheep.

Then there are the wolves who feed on the sheep without mercy. Do you believe there are wolves out there who will feed on the flock without mercy? You better believe it. There are evil men in this world and they are capable of evil deeds. The moment you forget that or pretend it is not so, you become a sheep. There is no safety in denial.

Then there are sheepdogs and I'm a sheepdog. I live to protect the flock and confront the wolf. If you have no capacity for violence and you are a healthy productive citizen, you are a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the uncharted path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and hopefully walk out unscathed.

We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep. They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can however accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kid's schools. But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid's school. Their children are thousands of times more likely to be killed or seriously injured by school violence than fire, but the sheep's only response to the possibility of violence is denial. The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their child is just too hard. So they choose the path of denial.

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog. He looks a lot like the wolf. He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog that intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished severely. The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a Republic such as ours.

Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep. He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. The sheep would prefer that he didn't tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in their airports, in camouflage fatigues, holding an M-16. The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go Baa. That is, until the wolf shows up, and then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.

Case in point -- The students, the victims, at Columbine High School were big, tough, know-it-all high school students, and under ordinary circumstances would not have had the time of day for a police officer. They were not bad kids; they just had nothing to say to a cop. When the school was under attack, however, and SWAT teams were clearing the rooms and hallways, the officers had to physically peel those clinging, sobbing kids off of them.

This is how the little lambs feel about their sheepdog when the wolf is at the door. Look at what happened after September 11, 2001 when the wolf pounded hard on the door. Remember how America, more than ever before, felt differently about their law enforcement officers and military personnel? Understand that there is nothing morally superior about being a sheepdog; it is just what some have chosen to be.

You need to understand that a sheepdog is a funny critter. He is always sniffing around out on the perimeter, checking the breeze, barking at things that go bump in the night and yearning for a righteous battle. Better said, the young sheepdogs yearn for a righteous battle. The old sheepdogs are a little older and wiser, but they still move to the sound of the guns when needed, right along with the young ones.

Here is how the sheep and the sheepdog think differently. The sheep pretend the wolf will never come, but the sheepdog lives for that day. After the attacks on September 11, 2001, most of the sheep, that is, most citizens in America said "Thank God I wasn't on one of those planes." The sheepdogs, the warriors, said,"Dear God, I wish I could have been on one of those planes. Maybe I could have made a difference." They want to be able to make a difference.

There is nothing morally superior about the sheepdog, the warrior, but he does have one real advantage. Only one. And that is that he is able to survive and thrive in an environment that would destroy 98 percent of the population.

Some people may be destined to be sheep and others might be genetically primed to be wolves or sheepdogs. But I believe that most people can choose which one they want to be, and I'm proud to say that more and more Americans are choosing to become sheepdogs.

Seven months after the attack on September 11, 2001, Todd Beamer was honored in his hometown of Cranbury, New Jersey. Todd, as you recall, was the man on Flight 93 over Pennsylvania who called on his cell phone to alert an operator from United Airlines about the hijacking. When they learned of the three other passenger planes who had used weapons, Todd and the other passengers confronted the terrorist hijackers. In one hour, a transformation occurred among the passengers - athletes, business people and parents - from sheep to sheepdogs and together they fought the wolves, ultimately saving an unknown number of lives on the ground.

Edmund Burke said "There is no safety for honest men except by believing all possible evil of evil men." Here is the point I strive to emphasize, especially to the thousands of police officers and soldiers I speak to each year. In nature the sheep, real sheep, are born as sheep. Sheepdogs are born that way, and so are wolves. They don't have a choice. But you are not a critter. As a human being, you can be whatever you want to be. It is a conscious, moral decision. If you want to be a sheep, then you can be a sheep and that is okay, but you must understand the price you pay.

When the wolf comes, you and your loved ones are going to die if there is not a sheepdog there to protect you. If you want to be a wolf, you can be one, but the sheepdogs are going to hunt you down and you will never have rest, safety, trust or love. But if you want to be a sheepdog and walk the warrior's path, then you must make a conscious and moral decision every day to dedicate, equip and prepare yourself to thrive in that toxic, corrosive moment when the wolf comes knocking at the door.

This business of being a sheep or a sheepdog is not a yes-no dichotomy. It is not an all-or-nothing, either-or choice. It is a matter of degrees, a continuum. On one end is an abject, head-in-the-sand-sheep and on the other end is the ultimate warrior. Few people exist completely on one end or the other. Most of us live somewhere in between.

Since 9-11 almost everyone in America took a step up that continuum, away from denial. The sheep took a few steps toward accepting and appreciating their warriors, and the warriors started taking their job more seriously.

Its OK to be a sheep, but do not kick the sheepdog. Indeed, the sheepdog may just run a little harder, strive to protect you a little better and be fully prepared to pay an ultimate price in battle and spirit with the sheep moving from "baa" to "thanks." We do not call for gifts or freedoms beyond our lot. Just like the sheepdog, we in the military just need a small pat on the head, a smile and a thank you to fill the emotional tank which is drained protecting the sheep. And, when our number is called by The Almighty, and day retreats into night, a small prayer before the heavens just may be in order to say thanks for letting you continue to be a sheep. But also be grateful for the millions of American sheepdogs who permit you the freedom to express even bad ideas.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Movies, Toad and Norway in June

Last week Claire and I saw this movie
























liked them both, but can you guess which one I would see again?

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Toad the Wet Sprocket, the artist of my favorite song (Windmills) is playing tonight in Virginia Beach...FOR FREE.

Think Bogart will be there?

You betcha!!!

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Claire's Navy Reserve duties = 1 weekend a month and 2 weeks a year...

Bogart's ticket to join her for 10 days of her 2 weeks in Norway = $757

I hear Norway is nice that time of year...now I get to find out!!!